Shutting off the "good" switch

August 16, 2011

Almost every night it’s the same thing: I start to feel better as the hours pass.  My body naturally does better in the evenings, and having some time at home (away from work) helps too.  I start to feel better and even less tired, so I want to make good use of the time, I want to enjoy it, even by doing something simple like reading a book or watching a movie.  So what’s the problem?  The problem is that I still work in a 9-5 world, and that means waking up much earlier than my body would like.  It means that if I go to bed at a “natural” time then I’ll feel horrible in the morning and through much of the next day.  On the other hand, it’s hard to consciously choose to go to bed early when I’m finally enjoying my day (well, night.)

So now it’s not too late, and I’m feeling good.  I want to stay awake and continue to feel good, but what I should really do is take a pill so that I’ll fall asleep in an hour.  That means I’ll wake up feeling less bad.  But is it worth giving up “good now” for “less bad” tomorrow?  I just don’t know.  I better hurry up and decide, though, if I’m going to take that little pill right now.

Leave a Comment » | Frustration, Limitations, Medication, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

You really want my illness to be predictable? Really?

August 13, 2011

Chronic illnesses are unpredictable.  That is actually one of the more difficult aspects of CIs.  If I knew when I’d feel good and when I’d feel lousy, life would be a whole lot simpler, but it just doesn’t work that way.  I know that.  I’m guessing you know that.  Somehow, other people seem to miss it.

I’m good at my job.  I get the work done well and ahead of schedule.  I also try to limit my sick time to when I really truly need it, since it would be easy to use it up too quickly.  Until recently, I had taken off a handful of days, but only one day here and there, usually 1-2 months apart.  No one cared.  Then I got a cold.  Of course, my immune system is naturally messed up, and I was on a med that made it worse, so I wasn’t recovering.  I missed 5 days of work and my boss was unhappy.  People had to cover for me and some work didn’t get done.  I don’t see how this is any different than when a coworker broke a leg and was out for 2 weeks, and others had to do her work.  I guess her boss was more understanding than mine.  And a broken leg could happen to anyone.  Apparently, I was asking for special treatment by using my sick days for being… what’s that word?  Oh yeah: SICK!

Things escalated and I ended up having a formal meeting with my boss and someone from HR.  Basically, my boss wanted my illness to be more predictable.  I was out sick at a very inconvenient time and this bothered her.  Um, excuse me, it bothered you?  You think I was actually happy about it?  What are people thinking?  She wants my absences to be more predictable.  Well guess what?  So do I!  I also want to know if I’ll have to cancel my date on Tuesday because I’m suddenly in pain, or if I’ll have to skip next week’s bbq because the heat is bothering me.  I would love to predict to how I’ll feel on any given day.  But chronic illnesses don’t work that way.  Hell, LIFE doesn’t work that way!  Deal with it.  Get over yourself.  Life is unpredictable.  And by the way, when I came back to work I worked hard and got everything done, so really, what’s your problem lady?

What makes me really sad is that I thought this was a case of an unusually unrealistic boss.  Then I read this:
http://workingwithchronicillness.com/2011/08/unpredictable-a-synonym-for-chronic-illness/

I would really love to educate these people.  For now, I’ll work on getting my own boss to understand how CIs, and life, really work.

1 Comment | Educating, Frustration, Insensitive, Job, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

More pure selfishness

August 12, 2011

There’s this small dead-end road by my office building and it only has two parking spaces on it, both handicapped, both clearly labeled handicapped.  More days than not, I see people parked there illegally.  It’s not in view of a main road, so I guess they figure they’re less likely to be ticketed.  Meantime, that doesn’t mean people need the spots any less!

So today I’m walking past, and there’s a van parked illegally in one of the spaces.  A truck is parked such that it’s not in either space, but it’s blocking both.  Right.  So the driver knew the spaces were there and knew they weren’t supposed to park there and made sure to obey the actual letter of the law, just not the spirit of it.  Real nice.  So I did the only logical thing: I called the town police.  I hope they ticketed both vehicles.  I went back to work, of course, so I have no idea what, if anything, happened.  I have to wonder what those drivers were thinking?  What went through their heads that they figured they needed those spaces more than someone with a disability?  If it was their mother, brother, friend, child who was disabled and needed that space, would they have acted the same way?  I’ll never know, but I just can’t imagine what possible way someone could justify this.

Chances are, one day they’ll understand.  Until then, I’ll just keep calling the police to have them ticketed.  And tonight I’m emailing my state rep to find out about increasing fines for parking illegally in handicapped spaces.  You might want to do the same.

Leave a Comment » | Educating, Frustration, Insensitive, Parking, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Pure selfishness

August 10, 2011

This is something that bugs me a whole lot, even more than most other things, so you know it’s a lot.  I’m sure I’ll post about it again and again.  What am I talking about?  Illegally parking in handicapped parking spaces “just for a minute.”  I have encountered this more times than I can remember, and it happened again today.

What makes people think this is ok?  If they need the space for 10 minutes, that’s more important than letting a person who really needs it park there?  Today there was a passenger in the illegally-parked car, and he got a real earful.  To be honest, I explained the situation well (though a bit heatedly) and made good points.  He said his buddy was only parking for a few minutes.  I pointed out that in those few minutes, someone who needed the spot wouldn’t be able to park there.  I explained that this particular spot was for people who really needed it.  I don’t know if he got it or not, but I walked away feeling pissed off.  What makes people think that they can treat others this way? Are they so self absorbed that they don’t see what they’re doing?  Just how rude, inconsiderate, and selfish are these people?

2 Comments | Educating, Frustration, Insensitive, Parking, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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