Reality in the eyes of a cynical optimist

October 6, 2011

I read an interesting blog post this morning, If it walks like a duck…., all about the power of words used to describe a chronic illness.

I admit that at times I have encouraged people to look for the silver lining on clouds, and I try not to do that anymore if it’s not the appropriate situation.  Personally, I get very frustrated when people do that with my health.  They suggest that things will improve soon, even though they won’t.  People tell me that if I change my attitude, I’ll get better.  (Been there, done that, no dice.)  I understand wanting to remain positive, but I think it’s also important to be realistic.  I am not suggesting that we all dwell on the negatives, but ignoring the negatives doesn’t make them go away, either.  I’m all about accepting the reality of our situations.  Now, clearly I don’t always do this (see the many blog posts on taking a medical leave of absence from work, something I should have done far earlier; I’m too good at denail) but the point is that I attempt to do this.  I might fail, but I do try to keep a realistic view of things.

Despite certain appearances, I’m actually a very optimistic person in general.  I’m also very cynical.  I consider myself a cynical optimist – it seems like a contradiction, but it actually works out very well; I anticipate problems, then look on the bright side of everything.  But the thing is, that doesn’t mean that I pretend everything is perfect.  We all have problems, and I think it’s important to recognize them and accept them.  I could pretend I’ll get better next week, but then how would I feel when that didn’t happen?  It’s ok to hope for something better, as long as it’s realistic.  Living in a fantasy sounds nice, but it just doesn’t work.  If we don’t accept things, how can we move on to have lives outside of of these problems?  Personally, I’d rather move on.

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Leave a Comment » | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Insensitive, Rants, Support, Thoughtfulness | Permalink
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Looking for balance

October 5, 2011

How do you maintain your balance?  No, I don’t mean physical balance (though that can be challenging too.)  I’m talking about life balance.  I’m counting down to getting mine back.

It’s ironic really.  I used to have a decent balance in life, but I think part of that was having different priorities.  As my priorities have shifted, I’ve also lost energy and had other worsening symptoms, and that’s made it harder to keep the balance.  I know what you’re thinking, but actually, the new priorities should make it easier to keep my balance.  I now want to spend less time and energy at a job.  I want to focus more on friends, family, and personal growth.  I want to stop caring about material objects and use that money to save for the future and enjoy the present.

In just a few more days I’ll be on a medical leave of absence from my job.  My top priority is to improve my health.  I’m going to rest, exercise, improve my diet, etc.  But I’m also going to get my life in order, because I know that I won’t be able to maintain my physical health if everything else is out of balance.  My simple goal is to do as many of the items on my to do list as I can before I go back to work in a few months.  And I want to cross out a lot of the items that I won’t be able to do.  I want to shrink that list and get my balance back.

And that brings me back to the original question: how will I maintain that balance?

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Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Job, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Temper control

October 3, 2011

I started this blog because sometimes I get angry.  I get angry at the illnesses, I get angry at the symptoms, I get angry at other people who are insensitive.  These people are coworkers, family members, friends, acquaintances, policy-makers, and strangers.  Some days nothing bothers me.  Some days I’m peeved.  Other days I’m mad.  Some days I’m angry.

Today moves past all of those emotions, right to enfuriating.  I am so angry, I want to yell, kick, scream.

This post isn’t about the details (even as an anonymous post, I’m guessing it might cost me my job, even though they’re completely wrong here.)  No, this post isn’t about what exactly happened.  It’s about the emotions

I’ve always had a temper.  Over the years I’ve learned to control it.  Most people are shocked when I say I have a temper because they never see it.  They should have heard me ranting this evening.  The trick, of course, is to control my temper when I confront the job-type folks who are causing me to feel this way.  I need to control the rage.  I will have to think rationally and present my case calmly and clearly.  I know that getting upset will diminish my position.  Still, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

Ok, time to take some deep breaths.  Tomorrow will be an interesting day…..

 

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1 Comment | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Insensitive, Job, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Top 5 frustrations about attending outdoor events

October 1, 2011

Cities, towns, and counties all over have concerts and festivals, plays and parties, carnivals and celebrations.  When weather permits, and sometimes when it doesn’t, these events are held outdoors.  This can be great fun.  It can also be a huge disaster.  For many of us, it
falls someplace in between, but probably not as close to the fun side.  So, without further ado, here are my own top five frustrations with attending an outdoors event.  These are today’s frustrations.  I reserve the right to come up with more the next time I go to one of these.

 

5. Lack of seating.  For some of us, standing is very hard, but we don’t have scooters or wheelchairs.  Folding chairs are too heavy to carry.  Where there is seating, it’s usually taken.  This makes for a difficult, painful, tiring experience.

4. Lack of healthy food choices.  Don’t get me wrong, I love fried dough as much as the next girl; I also know what will happen to me
if I eat it, especially if it isn’t balanced out with some fruit.  Yes, we could all bring our own food, but that gets tricky.  Would be it so terrible if they had a few healthier options?

3. Weather.  Sometimes we know what to expect that day, but sometimes we don’t.  Weather changes can make the whole excursion much more difficult than it would otherwise be.  If it’s suddenly hotter or colder or more humid than expected, our bodies can react very strongly.  It’s pretty tough to prepare for something like that.  And indoor temperature-controlled venues are usually rare, unless you’re willing to miss out on the festivities (and sometimes not even then.)

2. Crowds.  These things tend to bring in a lot of people.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be held.  It’s tough to constantly be bumped into, stepped on, even brushed against.  It would be nice to have an invisible field around me to keep people at a good distance, to force them to respect my personal space.  Unfortunately, we haven’t caught up to the promises of Star Trek yet (yes, I’m a fan.)

1. Getting to and from.  Getting to these things can be challenging, but that can often be worked out.  The harder part is usually leaving.  By the end, we’re tired and in pain and the car/bus/home seems very far away.  Those last yards can feel like miles.  If only the staff gave piggy-back rides….

 

Well, those are my top frustrations.  What are yours?

 

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Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Frustration, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
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