Freaking out over finances

August 21, 2012

Two weeks ago I was feeling pretty good about my finances.  Actually, I was feeling good about my limited spending.  You see, I grew up in the middle class.  My parents didn’t go on extravagant trips to Europe or buy expensive clothes, but we also never worried about having enough food or even toys.  They earned decent livings and also saved a lot, and it worked out.  I always assumed I’d be the same way.

And I was.  I thought about money, but I was fortunate to never stress out about it.  I didn’t earn a great living, but it was enough, and I kept my spending down, so I was on track to afford retirement at around the normal age.  In the last year I’ve cut my spending way down because of my precarious income predicament, and I’ve done well with that, but the thing is, I still have expenses.  There’s rent, utilities, healthcare, food…. I simply need to have some income, and now I have none.  I was saving for retirement, and I can spend that now, but it won’t last terribly long, and then what?

Technically, nothing has changed in the past two weeks except my perception, but boy has my perception changed.  As I’m getting farther into the LTD appeal process, I’m realizing that I could lose.  Yes, the odds are in my favor that I’ll win, but not by a huge margin, and I’m nervous.  If I lose, then what?  I’ll have a big gap before social security kicks in, and even then, SSDI won’t be enough to live off of.  What will I do?  I’m a bit panicked.

I know that my only option would be to move in with my parents, but I just can’t imagine how that would work.  The timing would be that I’d move in with them just as they put their house on the market.  That feels impossible.  And what about my furniture?  If I get rid of it, I won’t be able to afford to replace it if I move out on my own again.  But will I ever live on my own again?  And food could be really tough, with all of my restrictions; they’d have to rearrange their kitchen.  More than that, they’d have to rearrange their lives.  I don’t want to do that to them or to me.

And what would happen in the long term?

If I win the appeal, LTD would cover me until spring of 2014.  That isn’t long enough, really, but by then at least I’d know more definitively if I’ll ever be able to go back to work.  And it will give me more time to make a plan.  And if I lose, I need a plan yesterday.  I just wish I had one that I felt ok with.


Medicaid makes me so damn mad

August 16, 2012

Medicaid makes me so damn mad!

Our entire healthcare system in this country is so incredibly broken.  Now, I’ve heard mixed things about healthcare in other countries, but since I’ve never lived in those countries I can’t comment on their healthcare.  My guess is that in most industrialized countries the healthcare is better than what we have here but it still needs improvement, but that’s just a guess.  What I do know about is the broken system in the United States.

I could rant about many different aspects of healthcare, and I have, again and again, but right now I’m thinking about Medicaid.

First, there was a posting in the forum of a personal finance web site.  Personal finance is a hobby of mine, and it often intersects with the health stuff (like in reducing expenses and paying for medical care, etc.)  This particular posting was from someone with a very low income who was wondering how she could possibly afford health insurance.  Several people suggested that she apply for Medicaid and they didn’t realize that in many states, including hers, she isn’t eligible for it.  In some states, people without children simply aren’t eligible, regardless of their financial or medical status.  This is absurd.  Why on earth is this being handled on a state-by-state basis?  When people assume that eligibility requirements are looser than they are, it skews their political beliefs, not to mention their view of their own safety net.  The American public needs a lot of education about this.

Then I applied for Medicaid in my own state.  Thankfully, in Massachusetts a single person can be eligible for Medicaid.  Of course, just because I can and should be eligible doesn’t mean I’ll get it, and if I do get it, I have no idea which of the many plans I would be offered.  This means that I don’t know if I’ll lose my PCP or not.  If I lose my PCP, then I won’t be able to get referrals to my specialists.  That means I would not be able to get my prescriptions.  Then I’d be screwed.  Shit.

I follow politics closely and so I am very aware of the current healthcare debates.  The Republicans were all for healthcare reform until the Democrats enacted it.  Now the Republicans want to repeal it simply because they want to hurt the Democrats.  WTF?!?!?!?!  Since they can’t repeal healthcare reform right now they are doing what they can: many Republican governors are refusing to expand Medicaid, even though they would get complete federal funding at the beginning and quite a large federal subsidy thereafter.  In looking to hurt the Democrats, they are hurting their own citizens.

And then there was this article.  Who on earth thinks that the yearly income limit for Medicaid should be less than the yearly premiums for health insurance?!?  Whether or not you believe that Medicaid should exist, can anyone really argue that as long as it does exist, it should be available for those who need it?  What’s the point in having a system that the people who it was designed to help can’t access?

This is madness, I tell you, madness!!!

I admit that I don’t have all the answers, but I would like to suggest a few anyway.  Please bear with me.  First, Medicaid, like Medicare, needs to be offered on a federal level, or at least it must be subject to federally-mandated minimums.  Clearly states can not be trusted to handle it.  Anyone who thinks that non-parents do not “deserve” healthcare as much as parents needs some serious help.  Also, Medicaid should be used to fill in the gap of people who want health insurance and who truly can not afford it.  If you don’t earn enough to cover basics like rent/mortgage, food, and health insurance, then you should be covered.  Finally, Medicaid reimbursement rates need to be increased.  I’m not suggesting that every medical visit warrants a four-figure reimbursement, but medical facilities must receive reimbursement that at least covers their costs so that they will continue to take on Medicaid patients.  The system doesn’t do the patients any good if reimbursement rates are so low that all doctors refuse them, and that’s what’s happening now (which is why I may lose my PCP.)

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but I think this would be a good start.  I’m sure you’re wondering how we’d pay for this.  Well, I don’t know, but let me ask, how are we paying for Medicare?  How much are we spending on graft and fraud?  Isn’t it worth keeping our citizenry healthy so that they can continue to work and thereby pay more in income tax (and probably sales tax too, since they’d be able to spend more?)  Personally, I need health insurance and social security so that I can focus on getting healthy.  Yes, some people may never recover, but there are others (and I sincerely hope that I’m one of them) who can, and who will gladly return to the workplace and to paying their fair share of taxes so that others can enjoy the support of the same system that helped them to recover.  Now that’s a system I’d like to see.


Little red dots

August 7, 2012

I have pale, smooth skin, so it’s always been easy to spot new freckles or scars.  A month or two ago I noticed a red dot.  Then I noticed some others.  This isn’t a rash.  They are not clumped together.  They do not feel itchy.  They are not raised.  There are a bunch on my arms and more on my legs.  There’s one on a boob.  My first thought was that it has to do with capillaries.  But that’s as far as I got; I really don’t know anything about skin stuff, except how to watch for something potentially cancerous.

As long as I was at my rheumatology appointment today anyway, I figured I’d show her the spots.  She said the same thing: capillaries.  She told me to see my dermatologist.  Damn.

So should I bother?  I’m overwhelmed with all of the medical stuff.  This isn’t harmful, but we want to make sure it isn’t indicative of something else.  To see my dermatologist I’ll need to get a referral from my PCP.  And I’d need an appointment before my insurance runs out in a month.  A MONTH!  Ok, deep breaths.

And that goes back to the main problem: I’m overwhelmed.  I hope to get my medicaid paperwork in the mail by Thursday, and I’m determined to finish the letter for the LTD appeal by Thursday too.  And then I need to start the application for SSDI.  Plus I should get some important test results soon and that will mean new treatments.  And what about all the other doctors I’m seeing.

I love my dermatologist.  She’s very capable and she’s sweet.  I always feel good about her work.  But I don’t want to see her right now.  It’s one more thing, and it might be one thing too many.  And for what?  To find out that this is nothing?  Because it’s almost definitely nothing.  But then, what if it isn’t…..?


Coin toss: the life of a CI gal

July 30, 2012

Decisions I was glad to make today:

  • Peaches or nectarines?
  • Wash dishes now or later?
  • Start reading the crime thriller or the mystery novel?
  • Answer emails or catch up on a forum?
  • Post that on Facebook under my real name or on Twitter under my anonymous name?  (Follow me at @CIRants if you’re interested.)
  • Watch more tv or surf the web?
  • Try to organize some friends to get together soon or wait until the weather cools off in the fall?

Decisions I wish I didn’t have to make today:

  • Leave the house to enjoy the great weather or stay in and keep off my painful feet?
  • Get the very expensive blood test that could help me a lot or hold off and keeping trying to find a way to get insurance to cover it?
  • See the doctor who most likely will not help me in the slightest or cancel the appointment and assume I was right to do so?
  • Write a letter about my life of chronic illness as part of my appeal of the LTD company’s denial or do whatever I can to put off facing my past?
  • Plan to pay for COBRA for my health insurance until the LTD decision is reversed (and they reimburse me) or start applying for Medicaid?  But what if the LTD appeal fails?
  • Endure the pain and maybe make it worse by going out to buy groceries tonight or take a chance that I’ll improve in time to buy groceries without the extra pain in a couple of days (hopefully before I run out of fruits and vegetables)?
  • Apply now for Section 8 housing or wait for the LTD appeal decision?  Or wait for SSDI?