How to not not work full time

August 24, 2011

My current goal is to not work full time in a 9-5 kind of job.  Sounds nice, right?  But I’m stuck on the making-it-happen part.

Health-wise, things have been getting worse over the last year.  Working full time is really not helping.  I don’t qualify for long term disability, and even if I did, it wouldn’t pay the bills.  I could get short term disability.  I’ve thought about that.  I’ve discussed it with my doctor and, to a limited extent, with my employer.  The thing is, it would only be a temporary solution.  It wouldn’t solve the problem.

So now my thinking goes like this: I could do some sort of free-lance consulting.  Then I could set my own hours, and keep things more flexible.  When I got sick, I’d lose money, but I wouldn’t have to deal with a boss.  Yeah, that’s a great idea.

Of course, until I get the free-lance consulting off the ground, until I’m earning some significant money, I have to keep my job.  That means that I’m trying to start a business in addition to working full time.  As you’ve probably guessed, this is not going well.  I get a lot of work done on the business once or twice a week, and nothing in between.  Still, I’m trying.  And I’m trying to stay positive, even with setbacks like what I had today.

Today was tough.  There was a networking event tonight.  I know the group hosting it, and so I know a lot about the people who were going to attend: the perfect demographic for my venture.  This was it, my first chance to really get clients!  And what happens?  Last night I started feeling the beginning of a downswing.  This morning, it was all I could do to get to work.  By the time I left work, all I could do was drag myself home.  Obviously, I had to skip the event.

But I know there will be more opportunities.  And until then, I’ll just keep working in slow, incremental steps.  Hopefully, one year from now I’ll be earning enough to at least scale my day job back to part time work.  And hopefully sometime down the road, I can quit my day job altogether.  Now, wouldn’t that be nice?

[And for those wondering about health insurance if I quit my day job, Massachusetts is the place to be.  I can sign up for the state-subsidized insurance and they can’t turn me away due to pre-existing conditions.  Yet another reason to put up with the snow.]

1 Comment | Decisions, Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Job, Limitations, Rants, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

How sick is sick enough?

August 24, 2011

How do you define “sick”?

Ok, now how do you define it when it relates to taking time off work?  Are these two different things?

I woke up feeling lousy.  I thought about staying home, but dragged myself in to work anyway.  Why?  Well, if I thought that staying home would have helped me feel better beyond today, I probably would have done it.  This time, I don’t think that staying home and resting would have helped.  I tried it several days ago and it didn’t do the trick.  I would have felt better today, but not tomorrow or the next day.  Still, it was tempting to just call the boss, say I felt lousy, roll over, and sleep for another three or four hours.  Oh, that would have been nice.

How do you make these decisions?   It’s not easy if you work full time and have a limited number of sick days.  Besides, these sick days aren’t just for chronic illness stuff.  If I get a cold or sprain an ankle, I need to have some sick days left to use.  So what is “sick” enough to make it worth taking the day off?

Yet another reason why working full time with a CI sucks.  Anyone here disagree?

Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Job, Rants, Support, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Dating in the CI world

August 21, 2011

How do you date when you have chronic illnesses?  I’ve been doing it for years, and I’m still not sure what the answer it.  I read this post today, and it made be wonder how others get from single-and-scared to married/in a relationship.  How do they cross that huge barrier?

I’d like to to think that if someone could get to know me without knowing about my illnesses, they’d come to love me and not care about the CIs.  The truth is, that won’t happen.  There’s no way someone will get to know me without knowing about the CIs because I can’t get through more than one or two dates before something happens that clues them in.  I may not explain everything right away, but there will be some limitation that makes it obvious there’s something going on health-wise.  So how do you get past that fear of rejection?  How do you get past the fear of pity?

People do it every day.  I’d love to learn how.

Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Isolation, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Even the best laid plans

August 19, 2011

Today was the day.  Today was the day I was finally going to the gym.

I’ll back up.  Not so long ago I didn’t have a job.  When I didn’t have a job I exercised either at the gym or at home about six days a week.  I’m a couch potato, so this is huge.  I felt great.  It was definitely helping me.  Then I got a job and that quickly ended.  Still, I tried to keep exercising.  I did some stuff on weekends, and I took a walk every work day on my lunch break, even in rain, cold, and snow.

Then spring hit.  If you have autoimmune diseases you may know what I’m talking about.  Thanks to the pain, fatigue, weakness, and nausea, exercise stopped.  Forget the gym, I didn’t even do accidental exercise.  You know what I mean?  Accidental exercise is the unintentional stuff, like walking to the store for milk, or walking to the T (our subway) for work (I’ve been driving instead) or walking around a park.  To avoid the heat and humidity, I go from one air conditioned place to another, where I’m usually sitting.  This is not good.

I feel lousy from the symptoms, but also from the lack of movement.  Then two days ago, the weather turned briefly for the better.  After work I changed my clothes, put on sunscreen, and headed out into the beautiful, sunny, not-too-hot, not-too-humid evening.  It felt great.  I came back after a mile literally dripping with sweat.  Yeah, it was gross.  But I felt good!  I swore I’d do it again, but of course the next day the humidity returned.

So today I was going to the gym after work.  It’s tough, because I return to a humid apartment (it takes a while for the a/c to kick in) and I don’t feel great afterwards, but it seemed worth a try.  I was going.  I brought clothes with me to work.  I brought sneakers.  I brought music (not that I go anyplace without it anyway.)  Then I made the big mistake: I went out to lunch.

Why was this a mistake?  It was a short walk to the restaurant, but it was enough.  The humidity got to me.  I’ve been queasy ever since (5 hours ago.)  I knew I had to skip the gym and I felt lousy about it.  I felt better about my decision when I got home and stepped up the one, yes, just one, step into my apartment building.  Like it was slow motion, I became aware of my foot slipping off the step and my whole body headed toward the ground. Luckily, I managed to avoid injury (or re-injury) to anything other than my pride.  If I couldn’t handle that one step, it’s a good thing I didn’t attempt the gym!

It’ll be a busy weekend, but next week, I swear, I’m making another attempt at the gym!  And I’m putting it here so that you can hold me accountable.  Need a virtual gym/exercise buddy?  Leave a comment or tweet me (@CIRants) and we can motivate each other.

Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Frustration, Limitations, Rants, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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