Feeling blah

This has been an odd summer for me. The thing is, I’m not sure how much of that is because of my chronic illnesses, and how much might be coming from something else.

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For one thing, the weather has been unusually not-too-horrible. I can go outside! On top of that, I seem to be less sensitive to air pressure and humidity than I have been in the last 10 years or so. More ability to go outside! That doesn’t mean I can always go out, but on days that would have caused extreme pain or trouble breathing before, I’m actually doing ok.

On top of that, for the first time since I was 18, I live in an apartment with central air conditioning. This. Is. Awesome!

Because of all of that, I have less fatigue and less pain than in previous summers.

So why do I feel so blah? Why have I been a bit moody? Sure, I still have more pain and more fatigue than at other times of the year, but is that it? I keep thinking it is. I keep thinking that when summer is over, I’ll feel better.

It’s not like me to be so uninterested in certain things. I have been trying to do some part time work, but I’ve barely done anything for my fledgling business all summer. At first that seemed ok. I had worked too hard in the spring and was burned out. So I took a break. The problem is, I still have no desire to go back to it.

The thing that really worries me, though, is that I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t get a dog after all. You regular readers know that I’ve been trying to get a dog for more than 2 years, with one problem after another cropping up. And now I wonder if a dog is too much work and too much responsibility for me. And I love dogs, but are they worth it?

It occurred to me that these are symptoms of depression. But I’m not depressed. I’m still very happy. I’m very interested in other things. I have been excited to try some new crochet patterns. Last week I finally picked up a project that I had let go of for over a month, and now I’m excited to work on it again. I’m loving spending time with friends.

So why the hell am I doubting if I should get a dog? Why am I avoiding work?

I think it’s the summer effect. This summer isn’t as bad for me this year, it’s true. But I think it’s affecting my mood anyway. Otherwise, this just makes no sense.

In 3 more weeks I should know.

A lot of people don’t like working. That’s ok. But not wanting to get a dog? If that keeps up, I’ll know something is truly wrong.

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6 Responses to Feeling blah

  1. Rosalind Pearl says:

    Dogs are burdens but my dog was one of the best things to ever happen to me in terms of therapy and support for my mental and physical health ❤

  2. Tamara Epps says:

    I can completely relate to how you feel, as that has been me for the past year. I know part of it was last year I moved twice and that caused a lot of stress. I figured when I had finished sorting my flat out I would get back into blogging and look into getting a cat, but my flat isn’t getting done. A large part of it is my M.E., and I know for me part of it is my depression and anxiety (even though both seem to be improving), but I just feel blah most of the time, then feel guilty that I’m not doing anything. I wish I could help but all I can do is tell you you’re not the only one feeling like this; simply knowing I’m not the only one has relieved the burden a little.

    • chronicrants says:

      I’m sorry to hear that Tamara. Moving twice in a year would be difficult and stressful for anyone, never mind someone with chronic illnesses! I think it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and not ready to make even more big changes in your life. I hope you’re able to get to your apartment set up when you feel ready, and that a cat comes into your life when you’re ready for it. In the mean time, good luck with everything!

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