My doctor ran through my symptoms. How’s x? How’s y? And what’s new with z? Standard stuff. And to each one I said I was doing much better these days. Stable. Feeling ok.
So then why do I still feel so limited?
My pain is lessened to the point that I can completely ignore it – as long as I stay within my limitations, of course. No riding a bike or lifting heavy babies.
The nausea is gone. This is the best thing in the world!
My period sucked big time, but that’s over and I won’t have to deal with it again for 2 more months.
Even my fatigue isn’t as bad.
So why can’t I work a full time job? Why can’t I take a really long walk? Why can’t I travel? Why can’t I clean my apartment?
And the answer is, it’s not enough.
I’m feeling so much better than I was a few years ago, but I still have a long way to go. My friends take a walk and I can’t keep up. I have a fun afternoon and need to lie down to rest partway through. I cook dinner, and I’m in pain from standing and fatigued from the activity.
I’m excited for the progress. Really. And also frustrated at my continued limitations.
Will I ever see further improvement? Am I kidding myself if I keep trying?
I don’t know. But it sure beats the alternative: giving up.
There’s no better option. I have to keep trying. And even though it’s not enough, better is still better. And I’ll take it.
Posted by chronicrants 
Chronic Rants 