The other day I wrote about my many medical appointments this month. There was a time when I’d squeeze an appointment in before work, or go during an extra-long lunch break (which I’d have to make up for after work hours.) Those days are long gone. Now I don’t have to worry about missing work, but I do have to worry about missing life.
As I’ve been feeling better lately, I’ve been spending more time with friends. What a treat that’s been! I do better during the day, so I don’t go out much on weeknights. But I see many friends on weekends, and I have a lot of new friends who also don’t work due to chronic illness, so I hang out with them on weekdays. Seeing one or two friends on weekdays each week has been wonderful! Unfortunately, with so many medical appointments, I just can’t manage it.
Today (Monday) I’m doing things around my apartment that need doing. They really need to be done, but I’m also resting. I have an appointment early tomorrow that I need energy for. And one of the things I have to do today is to prepare for tomorrow’s appointment: I need to prepare all sorts of notes so I don’t forget anything when I’m in the office. Tomorrow I doubt I’ll do anything besides that appointment. Wednesday I hope to do some clothes shopping. I don’t have any bathing suits that fit and summer is right around the corner. I’d like to see friends, but I know I won’t have the emotional energy for it after Tuesday’s appointment. Still, shopping drains my physical strength and causes extra pain, so I always need a full day to recover afterwards. That’s what Thursday will be: a recovery day. And at some point Thursday (or sooner) I need to prepare notes for Friday’s medical appointment. After Friday’s medical appointment I’m going to a Passover sedar with my family. I’m not religious, but it means a lot to them, so I go. I’ll probably have to go directly from the medical appointment. Saturday is a nephew’s birthday party, so as you can imagine, Sunday will be another day to rest. And BOOM! The week is gone!
Last week was pretty similar, and I think the following week will be, too. And of course, I know I’m lucky – a year ago I wouldn’t have been able to manage so much in a week. This is huge for me! Still, I miss hanging out with friends. I miss socializing. I like having quiet time to myself. I don’t get bored easily. I can happily spend a day reading and puttering around. But like many humans, I’m a social creature. I live alone, so on the days I don’t leave the house, I don’t see another human being. Days like yesterday, I might go out and see strangers in passing, but I don’t have any real conversations with anyone.
March is a gray month in Boston. As I write this, the skies are dark and there are some light snowflakes coming down from the sky. I have no desire to go for a walk (which I’ll have to do anyway) or to go outside. Yet, a little company would be lovely.
Like I weather, I know my current social situation is temporary. So I’m trying to make some plans with friends for a few weeks from now. At least that way I’ll have something to look forward to when this ridiculous string of medical appointments is over. And I’m just grateful everyone understands why I’ve disappeared for a bit.
Chronic Rants 