Where’s my apology?

Apologies are powerful. They convey regret and an acceptance of responsibility. They are also hard to come by, especially, in my own experience, with doctors.

Over the years I have seen many doctors. Some have treated me well. Others did not. Some were dismissive, some were ignorant. I was told I was just trying to get attention or that I was imagining my symptoms. I was given misdiagnoses. I was dismissed. I was given unnecessary surgery, surgery that could have been avoided completely if the doctor hadn’t ignored some test results.

I received prescriptions, judgments, proclamations, criticism, and referrals. What I never got was an apology.

A simple example: I asked my doctor to run a test for something specific. He insisted on running a less expensive test. When I got home, I researched and saw that the test he ran was inaccurate for the problem I suspected. It came back negative. I paid out of pocket to have the test run myself and it came back positive. He accepted my test results but never admitted that he should have run the test in the first place. Where’s my apology? I spent my own money, did my own research, and spent many hours fretting over this. He could have just ordered the test, but didn’t.

And then there’s that doctor who did the unnecessary surgery. Where’s my apology from him? That was many years ago, but I’m still resentful that he was so pompous about the whole thing, insisted that it was still informative. I read the records. It gave no new information, but it did succeed in increasing my pain, weakness, and instability in that joint. He never apologized.

I know the medical field is wrought with lawsuits that cost doctors a lot of money and their reputations. So they need to be careful.

But we’re human beings, damn it! Patients are not just puzzles that, when you make a mistake, can be taken apart and put back together again. And if you break a piece, you can’t just throw out the whole box. And yet, that’s often how I feel I’m being treated.

I’m not looking for a 20 minute speech for each and every misstep. But when someone clearly makes a mistake that causes harm to another human being, the appropriate thing is to apologize. This is no less true for doctors. They should learn in medical school that saying, “I’m sorry” for their mistakes isn’t a mistake and it isn’t a weakness. Personally, it would make me respect them a whole lot more.

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3 Responses to Where’s my apology?

  1. Vanessa says:

    I am experiencing the exact same behaviors with some of my doctors. It is truly unconscionable how some of them carry on. You truly have to be strong and be an advocate for your own health. Great piece!

  2. stuckintexas says:

    I just had a dr perform a “necessary” procedure on me. I was wide awake, not drowsy as promised. When I complained of pain he claimed it was impossible. After over an hour digging in my jugular and by my clavicle he was unsuccessful in completing it “first time ever”. I was in pain for a week.

    At the return visit I was told there’s a problem with my veins, they are weird. He blamed me. So much for the “sorry putting you through that for nothing” I had expected. He can’t do his job, it’s my fault.

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