Here’s the thing about chronic illness: it’s unpredictable.
And here’s the thing about life: it too is unpredictable.
And sometimes the unpredictable chronic illness shit coincides with the unpredictable life shit.
That’s what happened to me. That’s why this blog has been so quiet lately. And that’s why September kicked my ass.
It started with my typical CI issues flaring up. Then I had a surprise when I had an unusually large amount of blood drawn and I got light-headed and started to black out. Bad pain made everything a bit worse. The fatigue was really horrible. A sleep study stressed me out. I had to chase doctors more than usual. I had insurance-related financial worries. I had a looming deadline to send in the paperwork for my SNAP (formerly food stamps) application. And then, just when I was completely overwhelmed, a loved one died. I was devastated. I was stressed out. I was running around trying to be with family, attend the funeral, sit shiva, and help clear out his apartment. As you can imagine, my stress, fatigue, pain, and nausea all got even worse.
Now, September wasn’t all bad. I started dating someone and things are going really well. I’m processing my grief. The sleep study went well. The symptoms have been improving. Still, it wasn’t my favorite time. I mean, I wasn’t even blogging regularly! That tells you just how badly the month had gone!
October is just a couple days away, and I’m hopeful that it will be a better month. I’m starting a new sleep apnea treatment, I’ll continue dating the guy, I hope to find time to cook, and the transition to autumn that was probably responsible for a lot of my September symptoms will be complete. It won’t be perfect, but surly it must be better?
The thing about chronic illness is that, like life, there are ups and there are downs. September gave me more than my share of downs. Now I’m really hoping for some ups! So screw you, September! I’m moving on, to bigger and better things!
Chronic Rants 
Ugh, sorry September sucked and sorry for your loss—so sad! I’m glad the guy is working out and the sleep study went well though. It’s weird—I never sat shiva. My family is very secular—a bit too secular. I wish they followed some traditions. Anyway, yes, screw September and may October bring better things!
Maybe you should start your own traditions. Of course, shiva is a tough one to start, but I’m glad we had it. I’m also glad it was short because of the holiday, though – 7 days is too exhausting, especially for a spoonie, but for everyone else, too.
While my September was neither filled with particular highs or lows, I can relate from previous months. I am filled with amazement at your strength and determination to continue fighting on, it’s such an inspiration.
Thanks Tamara. If we could turn the collective strength of the spoonie community into energy, we could easily power the entire world! But first, I’m glad that we turn it towards each other – propping each other up, offering advice and consolation and support, and sharing the research we find. You guys help me so much with your comments of support!
Here’s hoping you’re on the upswing!
Thanks Rachel! I appreciate it!
[…] (yay!), and then came home and collapsed in exhaustion. Somewhere in there I also managed to write a blog post about the suckiness of this month and probably do a couple of other things that I have since forgotten about as those memories have […]