A lot of us struggle to describe how we’re feeling. Somehow, the English language, and probably other languages too, just doesn’t have the right words to describe how I feel. Instead of stumbling around using the words I’ve got, I try to use analogies.
That’s how I found myself telling my naturopath yesterday that my energy levels were like a rechargeable battery that just wouldn’t recharge. It’s not that it charged and then wouldn’t hold the charge. No, it’s that my energy battery wouldn’t recharge completely in the first place.
The other day my cell phone battery got dangerously low. It went from 100% when I woke up (I plug it in overnight) to 82% after reading the news and Twitter to 56% after random use. Then before I knew it, it was as 27% then 24% then 10%. I usually don’t need to plug my phone in during the day, but this day was different, so I plugged it right in. But then I needed to leave my apartment, and of course I brought my phone with me, so I unplugged the poor thing, even though it was at 80%. It had been serving me well all day, but I didn’t give it a chance to fully recharge. And my body fares even worse.
My energy doesn’t start out at 100%, of course. If 100% is how a “healthy” 30-something should feel after a good night’s sleep, then let’s say I start out at 40%. I give myself adrenal support via supplements, I sit in front of a blue light, and I eat a healthy breakfast. Now I’m up to 60%. Before I know it, though, I’m back down to 50%. I take a shower and suddenly I’m at 25%. I lie down for a while. I take more supplements, eat more food. Getting back to 50% feels like a good accomplishment. I take a walk and feel great while I’m doing it, but when I get home I’m at 35%. I rest for a while, and boost myself back up to 42%. Then I have to cook dinner, but I rest while I eat, and then rest for a while afterwards before doing dishes, so I manage to hover around 40%. My energy drains as I continue through the evening, until I’m hovering around 20%, at which point I drag myself off to bed, hoping to waking up feeling energized, but somehow never seeming to fully regain my charge. The battery (my adrenal system, as it turns out) just won’t juice up like it’s supposed to.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get up to 100% again. My naturopath says I will. My traditional doctors say I won’t. I just don’t know. But right now, 75% would feel pretty fucking awesome! So I have a new goal……