Chronic Rants

As bad as the physical symptoms are, it’s the cognitive symptoms that I have the most trouble with.

Last week I started on a downward spiral. It was slow at first, then I thought I was improving, and then it really took a dive. After the dive, I spent two days at home barely moving. Then I went to a medical appointment and the grocery store in the same day and could barely move that night. By yesterday, I was as fatigued as I’ve ever been, and I could tell that whatever was wrong, it wasn’t going to fix itself. I emailed my naturopath. She called back with a list of dosage increases for various supplements I was already on. Extra vitamin D, extra Isocort, etc. seemed like it might help. I took the pills and drops and then went back to watching tv, since I couldn’t do much else. I didn’t even have any interest in reading, which really isn’t normal for me.

Amazingly, I started to feel better almost immediately. I wasn’t sure if it would last, but this morning, I felt almost “normal,” whatever that means. It’s incredible! Thank goodness for that naturopath!

Now, I knew I wasn’t thinking well this week. My thoughts were fuzzy and took way too much effort. I didn’t even want to read. And my emails with a friend just weren’t right. She gets bored at work so we email back and forth most days, talking about her kid, my family, her family, her job, my insurance issues, tv shows, politics, and whatever else comes to mind. Yesterday we were debating the effects of language assimilation on cultural preservation. Part of the time I couldn’t get my thoughts to come out right in the emails. The rest of the time I couldn’t get my thoughts to get out right in my own head! I couldn’t seem to get a handle on what I wanted to say. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until I looked at those emails this morning and realized how poorly I was communicating. Today I could organize my thoughts. Today I knew the argument I wanted to make. For the first time in days I could think clearly. What a relief!

I won’t pretend that I have my cognitive abilities back completely; at least, not to the level they were at before I got so ill. But I’m sure grateful to have whatever I have right now. It was a short time, but I really missed being able to think. I’m so glad to have my brain back!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 9th, 2013 at 4:41 pm and is filed under Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.