I want to cry. I am not sad or upset, but I want to cry. That’s the beauty of having a prescribed hormone yanked away.
When I wrote this post a week ago, I figured the med would be approved eventually, so I’d just have one unpleasant month. 
As it turns out, the insurance company denied it completely. I’ll need to appeal. Or try another med. Never mind that I’ve been on this one for EIGHT YEARS! Never mind that my DOCTOR prescribed it because he felt it was the best option for me. Nope, the insurance is deciding this one.
Memory is a funny thing, especially when you have cognitive and memory problems. I know I’ve been off the med for brief times before, and I remember that it made me emotional, but I didn’t remember it being this particular level of hell. For the last 24 hours, I’ve been a wreck at times and I’ve felt fine at times. When I feel fine, I figure the other stuff was a fluke. Then I’m a wreck again and I know that I need to find another solution. I can’t just wait to see if my body normalizes over time. (We tried that once. It didn’t.)
I’ve been really anxious. And I’ve been obsessing. Last week, before the hormone change kicked in, I sent a text to the guy I’m sleeping with. He didn’t answer right away. I thought about him occasionally, had some nice sex fantasies, and assumed he was busy and would get back to me later. Then I moved on and did other things. Yesterday the hormone stuff started, and it was much earlier than I expected. I sent him an email yesterday and he didn’t respond right away. I started wondering if he didn’t like me anymore (even though we sent flirty messages earlier in the day and made a date for next week.) Then I started thinking he was intentionally ignoring me. He’s avoiding me. He’s going to ditch me and that’s why he’s not answering. He’s sick of dealing with me.
Ok, I know how ridiculous that sounds. Even while I thought it, I knew it was ridiculous. And yet, I couldn’t stop thinking it. And I kept thinking about it. Even when I tried to do other things, I kept thinking about it. Every time I had an email or a text message, I wondered if it was him. That’s not normal. That’s not me. I don’t usually obsess like this. And I’m pretty sure that next week I won’t be obsessing and anxious and weepy. But right now I am. Right now I’m crying because I got a call about scheduling an appeal hearing for state medicaid, and I couldn’t thinking clearly enough to make an important decision (because of this mess with the medication,) and I started crying. Again, that’s not me.
There are a lot of good reasons to stop taking a prescription. I can think of many. And they all involve choices being made by the patient and the doctor based on what’s best for the health of the patient. None of them involve money or insurance companies, and yet that’s how my decision is being made right now. This is just plain wrong. I’d like to call the insurance company and tell them that, but when I called before, I started crying. The irony.
So I’m legitimately angry, pissed off, furious. That’s my normal response, and I’ll happily embrace it. As for the rest, I’m hoping it goes away soon, so I can go back to feeling like myself. I miss me.
Chronic Rants 
I can’t remember if you said you can just buy it? Im sure that is prohibitive. I wanted to get stocked up on methotrexate because of the shortage once and i had to buy it myself.
sure shouldn’t be up to an insurance company. Did you read the Twitter story about poopstrong – a bit different though because it was life and death.
I sure hope you can get the answer you need
Thanks anet for your support! It can be bought without insurance, but unfortunately that’s not in my budget. I emailed my naturopath and she says she has something that should help me, so hopefully that will work. It’s not free, but at least it’s cheaper. That poopstrong story was impressive. It wouldn’t work in this case, but it’s very impressive.
Hi,
I can not believe how these companies try to play GOD. How do they make these decisions? A Doctor has prescribed them for you as they make you feel better. What right have thy to take that away. If you can not ring why not write to them?
Currently I am in a battle with the insurance company who are looking at my medical retirement from teaching(I am 43) – the doctor there doesn’t believe that fibromyalgia exists! There are not words to describe how I feel.
Why does everything have to be about money – where has the goodwill and compassion gone?
I remain your online friend and send lots of prayers, good wishes and hugs your way.
Take care
Lorna x
Thanks Lorna! I’m sending good thoughts and hope your way for your insurance debacle. As for mine, there’s an appeal process, but I just don’t have it in me to deal with it this week. Maybe next week. I’m still waiting to hear back on my disability insurance appeal and my social security appeal. And I just found out that my medicaid appeal is moving forward. It’s so tiring to always have to prove how sick I am, especially when I feel too sick to deal with proving it. Like you said, compassion is gone and it’s all about the money, and that’s just exhausting. I hope you can make progress with your situation!