5 things I wish I could do tonight

There are so many long term things I wish I could do, but sometimes I’m just very aware of the short term stuff that I’m missing out on.  Tonight, for example, I wish I could:

  • Get tired and sleepy at a decent hour.
  • Read a book without falling asleep too early.
  • Call up friends just to chat, without feeling awkward about the “So what’s new with you?” question. [Hint: absolutely nothing good is new.]
  • Go on a date.  Or have sex.  Or both.
  • Make plans for tomorrow that involve going to a job, volunteering, or otherwise using my time to help others and be productive.

For the next few hours I will sit in front of my computer.  I will type and read and learn.  Maybe at some point I’ll move to the couch and watch tv.  I will go to sleep later than I’d like, because even with supplements I just don’t get sleepy early.  Then tomorrow I will wake up tired, wishing I could feel more rested, and I will spend the day doing random things that don’t really add up to doing anything much for my community or for society at large.  Then I will do it all again.

Don’t get me wrong.  Some days I do more of what I want.  Some days I feel more useful.  Some days I don’t feel like I’m missing out.  This just isn’t one of those days.

2 Responses to 5 things I wish I could do tonight

  1. Lorna says:

    That’s spooky! I was just having the same conversation with my pain pyschiatrist earlier today. I am working with her on how to live and manage my life with pain now I no longer work. She has no idea how to help me but if something springs up I’ll pass it on. LOL!
    I am trying to do one social thing a week. The rest of the time I have stopped trying to keep ‘normal hours’ and sleep early morning and a nap later just to take the pressure off.
    Anyway I love reading you blog whatever time you write it – that is a service to the community.(don’t forget that!)

    • chronicrants says:

      How weird that your pain psychiatrist doesn’t have ways to help you. I hope you guys can figure something out.

      I think you’re right that it’s important to set your own hours, at least for a while. That way you can figure out what works for your body, then try to schedule everything around that, instead of the other way around.

      Thanks for your support and the kind words. It really helps on a day like today when my fingers are stiff and typing is unpleasant 🙂

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