There are so many long term things I wish I could do, but sometimes I’m just very aware of the short term stuff that I’m missing out on. Tonight, for example, I wish I could:
- Get tired and sleepy at a decent hour.
- Read a book without falling asleep too early.
- Call up friends just to chat, without feeling awkward about the “So what’s new with you?” question. [Hint: absolutely nothing good is new.]
- Go on a date. Or have sex. Or both.
- Make plans for tomorrow that involve going to a job, volunteering, or otherwise using my time to help others and be productive.
For the next few hours I will sit in front of my computer. I will type and read and learn. Maybe at some point I’ll move to the couch and watch tv. I will go to sleep later than I’d like, because even with supplements I just don’t get sleepy early. Then tomorrow I will wake up tired, wishing I could feel more rested, and I will spend the day doing random things that don’t really add up to doing anything much for my community or for society at large. Then I will do it all again.
Don’t get me wrong. Some days I do more of what I want. Some days I feel more useful. Some days I don’t feel like I’m missing out. This just isn’t one of those days.