After months of feeling tired, run-down, and sometimes even fatigued, I suddenly had two good days in a row! I was so excited that maybe something could be changing. I mean, I wasn’t about to do some huge amount of activity, but I could do a bunch of little things and still feel good.
And then I remembered that I had taken Prednisone these two days. Damn!
The clinical details aren’t important. It comes down to this: trying to prevent physical and mental harm, and also trying to avoid another long stint on Prednisone, my doc and I agreed that I’d take the steroid for just a few days, including the taper. It seems to be helping the pain that it’s supposed to treat, but it’s too soon to be sure of that. In the meantime, it gave me an energy boost that is both exhilarating and depressing.
It’s a bit depressing to know that this energy burst probably won’t last, but it’s also so wonderful to remember how it feels to not be tired all the time. True, even with the drugs I’m not exactly about to take a super long walk or go to the gym, but yesterday I saw a doc, read at the library for a couple hours, then hung out with a friend at her place for an hour (and even played with her kid a bit), then came home and was a bit tired, but not really worn down like usual. And for the last few months, that would have been too much activity for one day and I would have felt horrible the next day, but today I’m actually ok.
It’s always the same old thing: I know I could take Prednisone long term and feel better. I could go back to work, hang out with friends, date, travel…. get my life back! But I’d also be slowly poisoning myself, and that’s not ok.
Then again, living like this isn’t ok either. There’s no good answer. I’m going to try some dietary changes and maybe that will help. In the meantime, I’ll be holding onto the precious memory from this week of what it feels like to do things without feeling exhausted. I can hardly wait to feel that way again…. one day.
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Chronic Rants 