How ducklings beat dew points

May 9, 2012

It amazes me that there are people in this country who have never heard of the children’s book Make Way for Ducklings.  I feel bad for them.  Of course, if you live in Boston you’ve heard of it.  If you grew up in Boston since it became popular, you probably had it read to you many, many times.  If you live in Boston and have kids, you probably read it to them.

My body is very sensitive to dew points.  (Yes, there’s a connection, just go with me here.)  I checked online this morning, but I already knew the dew point was over 55 degrees.  Sure enough, it was 58.  I could feel it.  I wanted to stay home and avoid the air out there, but at the same time, I just really needed to get out of the house.  I haven’t gone out much the last few days, and I really didn’t want to cancel my plans to meet a friend for lunch.  I put on some waterproof shoes, threw my purse and a book into a waterproof backpack, grabbed an umbrella, and headed out into the cool air in a tank top and jacket.  I quickly took off the jacket.

All around me people were wearing long sleeves and jackets.  I was sweating in my tank top.  I really didn’t feel great, but I pushed through.  My friend and I had a nice lunch (and he even treated… several friends have done that since I’ve had to stop working, which is
very sweet.)  Afterwards, I took the long way back to the T (our subway.)  I needed exercise, so I walked through the Public Garden.  And for a little while, walking through the garden, I was able to forget about feeling lousy.

The swans were returned to the lagoon just a few days ago.  (They spend their winters in a zoo.)  People were playing with their dogs, including an adorable little puppy.  The tulips glistened with raindrops.  And a duck had had babies.  I counted 9 little ducklings swimming around the lagoon, happy as could be.  Tourists and locals alike took pictures of the adorable little ones.  I couldn’t help myself; I pulled out my phone and snapped a bunch of pictures too.  (I took all of the pictures in this post this afternoon.)  It was hard to look at those fuzzy little baby ducks and not feel happy.  Then I walked past the ducklings statues where adorable, happy children were excitedly climbing all over them and taking turns trying to name each duckling.  If possible, they were even cuter than the ducklings

The park was like an oasis.  It was peaceful and happy.  It was the middle of the day and none of us were at work (for various reasons, I’m sure.)  The people were relaxed.  The animals were happy.  The flowers were in bloom.  The trees were full of life.  It was just simply good.

By the time I got home the extra walk had taken its toll.  I barely had the energy to change out of my jeans (they were too hot) before I crashed on the couch.  I spent a few hours just watching tv.  Even holding a book would have taken too much energy.  I was purely exhausted.  My body felt heavy.  My limbs felt leaden.

It helped, though, to have had that break.  I was stuck at home on the couch, but this time I didn’t mind as much.  Those minutes watching the puppies and the ducklings, the kids and the flowers, made all the difference.

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The war on nausea

May 8, 2012

“Are you pregnant?”

She was trying to be helpful.  And I guess it’s an appropriate question when a 30-something woman says that she’s been having unexplained nausea for the past week.  Still, it was a reminder of how incredibly unlikely that is.  There’s a good chance I can’t get pregnant without medical help, but more than that, there the lack of sex recently.  That part really sucks.

Of course, more frustrating than the lack of sex at the  moment was the nausea.  I’m no stranger to GI discomforts.  I’ve been having various symptoms since my teen years.  After around 18 years, it’s still difficult, inconvenient, painful, and upsetting, but it’s certainly not surprising.  The only surprising part is that it’s been different lately.  Over the last few months, since I started the gluten-free diet, it’s been different.  Maybe that’s because of the diet, or maybe it’s a coincidence.  I have no idea.  But this past week has been the worst of all.

It used to be that the more severe nausea and it’s other accompanying symptoms (cramps, bloating, diarrhea) would last for hours.  Over the last few months, there have been times when it’s lasted for a day or two.  This has been especially lousy.  But now, it’s been coming in waves since Thursday.  That’s 5 full days of this bull.  I’ve taken more Pepto than I’d like, but aside from that I just don’t know what else to do.

So I’m fighting this in the only way I know how.  I’m trying to stay calm and relaxed.  I’m watching a lot of tv when I feel lousy.  I’m not pushing myself.  I’m being careful of what I eat.  I’m drinking plenty of water so I don’t dehydrate.  I’m taking Pepto.  And I’m hoping, really hoping, that it goes away soon.  I’d hate to have to fight this at the next level: seeing my PCP so I can get a referral for a gastroenterologist, then waiting for that appointment, then having tests run, then waiting for those test results, then maybe trying a treatment….  That could take months.  Instead, I’ll stick with my old method and try to wait it out.  It may not be the smartest move, but it’s certainly the fastest.

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Posted by chronicrants

Chronic stagnation

May 2, 2012

You know that instrinsic, gut feeling that your whole life is about to change?  Sometimes it comes at really obvious moments, like at your high school graduation.  Other times it’s less obvious, but just as recognizable.  You can just feel that very soon, your life will be very different.

This isn’t one of those times.

I just signed a lease for a 7th year in my apartment.  (My previous record for staying in one apartment: a year and a half.)  I’m not dating, and I’m not even interested in dating.  (Sex would be nice.  Too bad I don’t do one night stands.)  I do not have a job, and I won’t have a job any time soon, since even when I regain my health, I’ll still have to actually get a job.  I don’t feel up to doing a lot of new things, so I’m not meeting new people.  No, my immediate future is looking very predictable.  And very boring.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately.  It’s amazing how much I can read when I don’t feel up to doing much else.  I’ve been reading murder mysteries and classic fiction, and also personal development.  The personal development books and blogs cover a wide range, but they all have something in common: I can’t figure out how to implement, or even picture, the majority of what I’m learning.

There’s the book on time management.  Well, time management really isn’t an issue right now.  I learned a lot, but I can’t picture how to apply any of it to my back-at-work life since I don’t know what my life will be like then.  Will I be working full time?  What will the hours be?  What will the commute be?  Will there be other changes in my life that I have to balance?  It leaves me feeling very unsettled.  I wish I could picture the future at least a little bit.

There are the blogs and books on personal finance.  I love this stuff.  I’ve been helping friends and relatives with their budgets.  But there’s little I can do for myself.  In order to save more money, quite simply, you have to either spend less, earn more, or do both.  I’ve been cutting my expenses as much as possible, and I just don’t feel up to earning more.  Some people take on second jobs; I can’t even work one job right now.  On the bright side, I know what I’ll do with my extra money when I eventually have it.  [Hint: it involves saving for a health-induced early retirement, just in case.]

And don’t get me started on the reading about how to get the right job.  That is just so far out of the realm of possibility right now….

On the bright side, I feel good that I’m using my time productively right now.  I’m not spending every minute learning, but at least I’m keeping my mind active and engaged and I’m doing something that will potentially influence my life in a positive way at some point.  I just have to try and remember that, because reading this stuff (which I generally love, by the way) does tend to remind me of how little I can change right now.

The future is uncertain.  We all know that.  One year from now I could be working a new job, living in a different state, and married.  Or I could be right where I am, not working, not well.  Who knows?  I guess I don’t need everything to get better, I just need something, anything to change.  Some people fear change, but without change there’s just boredom.  Right now, I crave change.

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Posted by chronicrants

Spoonie kitchen screwups

April 30, 2012

There’s tired, and then there’s spoonie tired.

I decided to make an easy dinner tonight.  I’ve been trying to eat healthy food as much as possible, and I was feeling run down, so I wanted the best combination of easy and healthy.  For me, that meant pasta for dinner.  I use this a lot as my go-to easy dinner.  I sautee onion and garlic, add in veggies, include meat or beans or something, add spices, add sauce, cook pasta, and I have a healthy, relatively easy dinner.  Even easier is eggs and/or oatmeal, but I’ve done that a few times lately so I wanted to go to the next step.  Apparently, I wasn’t ready for the next step.

I’m not great at chopping up anything.  No matter how big or how small it is, I have to concentrate hard just to avoid cutting my finger (and even then I sometimes cut it.)  Today, more food than usual was hitting the floor.  I felt really off.  I had so much energy an hour earlier, but I hit the wall hard, and I just couldn’t seem to do anything right.  Luckily I wasn’t doing much cutting, since I was using frozen veggies.  Fresh veggies are better, but I didn’t have the energy for them.  Still, a lot of onion and garlic hit the floor.

As I was finishing the sauce, I kept thinking that something was missing.  It all seemed to be there, but I had that nagging feeling.  What could I have forgotten?  Then it hit me all at once: spices!  I forgot to add spices!  I quickly reached for the oregano and parsley and thyme and…. what was I thinking?

The steps ran through my head.  I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten the spices.  I’ve made this so many times I thought I could do it in my sleep.  Clearly I can’t even do it when I’m awake and run down.  But that’s ok, I fixed it.  It would be good enough.

Beans!  I forgot to add the beans!  Ok, no worries, I ate plenty of protein at lunch, and I have plenty of spinach and broccoli in the sauce.  It’s ok.

Beep beep beep.  Time to drain the pasta.  Something was wrong.  Why was it so mushy?  I timed it for 16 minutes and the package said 17-18, so what could be wrong?  Oh no, I used the instructions for the wrong pasta!  The other type, the other brand, is 17-18 minutes.  This type is only supposed to cook for 7-10 minutes!  Yikes!

Ok, the sauce will mask the pasta, right?  But wait, the sauce is…. liquidy.  I didn’t use enough veggies!  I usually make the sauce very thick, so that the meat/beans and veggies are just barely coated by the sauce.  I got it wrong tonight.  It looked so pathetically thin.

Despite all of the problems, the meal turned out ok.  It was even slightly tasty.  And I’ve learned an important lesson: the next time I feel drained, I won’t attempt anything as complicated as pasta.  I’ll stick to eggs.  Clearly my brain can’t be trusted to function on all cylinders when cooking (or typing, for that matter, judging by the number of mistakes I’ve already caught in this post.)

What basics things have you messed up when you’re not completely there?  Let’s revel in our spoonie mistakes.

Leave a Comment » | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Medication, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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