Through the eyes of babes

October 9, 2011

I just got a completely new perspective on my illnessess, all from talking to a three-year-old.

If you spend any time with children, you know that they’re naturally curious.  “Why?” is a question that you hear a lot.  I’m spending the day with a good friend and her little girls.  The older one is approaching four years old and she questions everything.  Why do I like drinking water?  Why don’t I like tomatoes?  Why don’t I want to sit down?  Why am I taking medicine?  Why won’t I get down on the ground to play? 

We all know that it can be difficult to explain these things to an adult, but it’s so different trying to explain them to a child.  I can say that I do something because it makes me feel better, but I want to be careful; I don’t want her to think she should do the same thing to feel good.  And if I say that I don’t do something because it makes me feel bad, will she start to think she shouldn’t do it, in case it makes her feel bad?  She doesn’t know what a chronic illness is, and I don’t think she should, not at her age.  Explaining all of my dos and don’ts, should and shouldn’ts, can and can’ts has taken on a whole new meaning.  It forces me to look at my own abilities and limitations in a new way, to think of ways to explain it all to a three-year-old without lying.  It’s an intereting challenge, and one that I am glad to take on, because I think that the new perspective is healthy for me.

If you want to see your health in a new way, trying chatting about it with a child for while.  I can almost guarantee that you won’t see your illnesses in the same way anymore.

 

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Reality in the eyes of a cynical optimist

October 6, 2011

I read an interesting blog post this morning, If it walks like a duck…., all about the power of words used to describe a chronic illness.

I admit that at times I have encouraged people to look for the silver lining on clouds, and I try not to do that anymore if it’s not the appropriate situation.  Personally, I get very frustrated when people do that with my health.  They suggest that things will improve soon, even though they won’t.  People tell me that if I change my attitude, I’ll get better.  (Been there, done that, no dice.)  I understand wanting to remain positive, but I think it’s also important to be realistic.  I am not suggesting that we all dwell on the negatives, but ignoring the negatives doesn’t make them go away, either.  I’m all about accepting the reality of our situations.  Now, clearly I don’t always do this (see the many blog posts on taking a medical leave of absence from work, something I should have done far earlier; I’m too good at denail) but the point is that I attempt to do this.  I might fail, but I do try to keep a realistic view of things.

Despite certain appearances, I’m actually a very optimistic person in general.  I’m also very cynical.  I consider myself a cynical optimist – it seems like a contradiction, but it actually works out very well; I anticipate problems, then look on the bright side of everything.  But the thing is, that doesn’t mean that I pretend everything is perfect.  We all have problems, and I think it’s important to recognize them and accept them.  I could pretend I’ll get better next week, but then how would I feel when that didn’t happen?  It’s ok to hope for something better, as long as it’s realistic.  Living in a fantasy sounds nice, but it just doesn’t work.  If we don’t accept things, how can we move on to have lives outside of of these problems?  Personally, I’d rather move on.

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The perfect gift

October 3, 2011

It’s carnival time!  I’m excited to have this post on Chronic Babe’s carnival about the perfect gift.  This is a great carnival, so please pass the word.

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How do you reassure people?

October 2, 2011

Telling a stranger or an acquaintance about my health issues can be difficult, only because it is hard to make them understand.  We all know that, right?

I find it infinitely harder to talk to loved ones about it, especially when there’s something negative happening.  How do you tell your loved ones that things are bad?  The last thing I want to do is upset people.  Even when they are being the most wonderful, supportive friends and family I could ever want, I can see they’re hurting, and that is more painful than anything I deal with on a daily basis.  That’s why I don’t tell them most of what I deal with.  And that’s why I started this blog: it’s much easier to complain to anonymous readers than to upset my loved ones.  Plus, if you’re reading this then you probably have similar conditions, so you understand.  You know that as bad as things are, they’re probably not as bad as what’s in the minds of family and friends.  But how can I convince them of that?

More than anything, I want to reassure my family and friends right now that I am ok.  Yes, I need to take a few months off of work, but really, I’m ok.  I mean, sure, I’m not really ok, because if I was, I wouldn’t need the time off.  Yeah, I know that.  But aside from that, I’M OK!  REALLY!  I guess it would be more convincing if it was as true as I want it to be.

I wonder how other people handle this?  Is there any possible way to tell your loved ones that you’re worse without upsetting them?  I guess not.  I’d be upset of the situation were reversed.  But it still feels lousy.  This has been an incredibly difficult and emotional ordeal, and as I write this post, this is the first time I’ve cried.  Suddenly, I can’t stop the tears.   I can handle my own problems, but causing pain to others is unbearable.  This is the pain that no one warns you about.

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