You know how sometimes you wake up after a full night’s sleep and feel like you didn’t sleep at all? It’s annoying, right? Well, the first day for me was annoying, but after a few weeks, it’s moved beyond that.
Sleepless sleep
August 22, 2011Dating in the CI world
August 21, 2011How do you date when you have chronic illnesses? I’ve been doing it for years, and I’m still not sure what the answer it. I read this post today, and it made be wonder how others get from single-and-scared to married/in a relationship. How do they cross that huge barrier?
I’d like to to think that if someone could get to know me without knowing about my illnesses, they’d come to love me and not care about the CIs. The truth is, that won’t happen. There’s no way someone will get to know me without knowing about the CIs because I can’t get through more than one or two dates before something happens that clues them in. I may not explain everything right away, but there will be some limitation that makes it obvious there’s something going on health-wise. So how do you get past that fear of rejection? How do you get past the fear of pity?
People do it every day. I’d love to learn how.
Even the best laid plans
August 19, 2011Today was the day. Today was the day I was finally going to the gym.
I’ll back up. Not so long ago I didn’t have a job. When I didn’t have a job I exercised either at the gym or at home about six days a week. I’m a couch potato, so this is huge. I felt great. It was definitely helping me. Then I got a job and that quickly ended. Still, I tried to keep exercising. I did some stuff on weekends, and I took a walk every work day on my lunch break, even in rain, cold, and snow.
Then spring hit. If you have autoimmune diseases you may know what I’m talking about. Thanks to the pain, fatigue, weakness, and nausea, exercise stopped. Forget the gym, I didn’t even do accidental exercise. You know what I mean? Accidental exercise is the unintentional stuff, like walking to the store for milk, or walking to the T (our subway) for work (I’ve been driving instead) or walking around a park. To avoid the heat and humidity, I go from one air conditioned place to another, where I’m usually sitting. This is not good.
I feel lousy from the symptoms, but also from the lack of movement. Then two days ago, the weather turned briefly for the better. After work I changed my clothes, put on sunscreen, and headed out into the beautiful, sunny, not-too-hot, not-too-humid evening. It felt great. I came back after a mile literally dripping with sweat. Yeah, it was gross. But I felt good! I swore I’d do it again, but of course the next day the humidity returned.
So today I was going to the gym after work. It’s tough, because I return to a humid apartment (it takes a while for the a/c to kick in) and I don’t feel great afterwards, but it seemed worth a try. I was going. I brought clothes with me to work. I brought sneakers. I brought music (not that I go anyplace without it anyway.) Then I made the big mistake: I went out to lunch.
Why was this a mistake? It was a short walk to the restaurant, but it was enough. The humidity got to me. I’ve been queasy ever since (5 hours ago.) I knew I had to skip the gym and I felt lousy about it. I felt better about my decision when I got home and stepped up the one, yes, just one, step into my apartment building. Like it was slow motion, I became aware of my foot slipping off the step and my whole body headed toward the ground. Luckily, I managed to avoid injury (or re-injury) to anything other than my pride. If I couldn’t handle that one step, it’s a good thing I didn’t attempt the gym!
It’ll be a busy weekend, but next week, I swear, I’m making another attempt at the gym! And I’m putting it here so that you can hold me accountable. Need a virtual gym/exercise buddy? Leave a comment or tweet me (@CIRants) and we can motivate each other.
Paring knife: 1, Me: 0
August 17, 2011I still don’t know how it happened. Ok, I admit it, I’m not exactly an expert chef. But I do know how to chop garlic.
Yeah, I don’t know how it happened, but I know why it happened. Meds. Those darn meds. I got used to the lack of sleep from the steroids. I’ve adjusted to that over the months. But several weeks of crazy dreams on Plaquenil has me at a new level of brain fog.
I know how to chop garlic, really, I do, but somehow my thumb got under the knife. There was the initial, “Huh, I seem to have cut myself.” A couple seconds later I realized it hurt. Hmmm. Brain fog. Oh look, some skin is hanging off. And there’s some blood. I considered continuing to prepare dinner, then realized I might get blood in my food. More brain fog. Better clean up. Ok, clean. Now what? Oh, right, back to chopping garlic. Then I almost did it again. If the skin had still been there, I probably would have cut it. Good thing it was already missing.
It’s just a tiny cut. The bleeding stopped almost immediately. It’ll heal in no time. But this brain fog better go away soon. It’s getting annoying.
Meds have all sorts of warnings about handling heavy machinery. They should add kitchen knives to the list.
Posted by chronicrants 