The government is voting to kill us

March 15, 2017

On the one hand I don’t want this blog to get too political. On the other hand, how can I not discuss politics when the government is talking about taking healthcare away from millions of people!?

There is a lot I want to say, and I can’t say it all at this moment, but rest assured I will be back to discuss it another day!

For today I want to talk about this feeling that the government is trying to kill us, and how healthy, working people respond to that.

You see, I have said many times that the government is trying to kill us. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look at that link above. Many healthy friends with jobs think it’s an exaggeration. Most of them will have health insurance through their employers. It might cost more, but they can make up the difference if they cut back in other areas. They hate it, but it won’t kill them.

And if they did lose their insurance, it would suck, but they could cough up the money for the occasional doctor visit or antibiotic. They would hate it, but it wouldn’t kill them.

Then there are people like me. I’m not nearly as well off as they are, but not as badly off as many of my other friends. Because most of my health conditions are pretty stable. If I miss a medication for a few months my health would decline, but I wouldn’t die immediately. I have savings and supportive parents who can afford to help me to a certain extent. We could find a way to cover my more basic health costs for many years. And maybe I would skip seeing the doctors who didn’t feel entirely necessary (though really, I try not to see doctors unless it’s necessary!) And hopefully, eventually, a new political party in office would fix things. We could cover the gap. Besides, I am likely to have some insurance coverage, even though it would be greatly reduced.

But then there are other friends of mine, not to mention the many strangers I have never met. These are people who do not have safety nets. They are more likely to lose their insurance altogether and they do not have the money to cover the costs. For these people, there will be no way to see a doctor or take a prescription. Even worse, many of them have illnesses that will quickly kill them.

These are limited examples, of course. I’m not getting into the many thousands who will become bankrupt and the many other thousands who will have to quit their jobs due to poor health.

These are horrible circumstances. Any reasonable person is upset by this. And then we remember…. our politicians are the ones who want to do this to us. A handful of people with high salaries and kick-ass health insurance (congresspeople have the best health insurance in the country) are deciding whether people like me will be able to see the doctors we need to see.

If you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning, then you know I was working when I started it. I hated to leave my job, but there was no way I could continue to work. I spent years fighting for the benefits I had paid for and deserved. It was a miserable road and I was horribly sick. Now, finally, my health is improving! It is not perfect by any means, but it’s so much better! I’m even looking for ways to start doing a little bit of paid work. This new health insurance situation could destroy that progress. It could stop me from earning any money at all. It could dash my dreams permanently, by making my health worse in a way I might not be able to recover from.

If that sounds dramatic, good! Because it IS dramatic! We are talking about taking away the ability for people to care for their health.

Healthcare should be a right, not a privilege reserved for the rich. But that is what the republicans in this country want. They want to give more money to the rich even if it means killing the poor.

They should be ashamed of themselves. They are voting to kill us.

5 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Healthcare, Limitations, Medication, Politics, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

What is that ghost pain?

March 3, 2017

My physical therapist kept asking “Does anything hurt?” It was a good question, but I had no idea how to answer.

I felt pain that I knew was pain, and then I felt other pain that wasn’t real. It wasn’t in my head, exactly. It was more like my foot had fallen asleep, but instead of pins and needles, it hurt. And that spot on my leg. And my shoulder.

I have had so much pain for so many years, I’m good at ignoring it. Then when someone asks if I’m in pain I need to stop blocking it out, and it comes rushing at me all at once. PAIN!

This took it to a different level. I had acknowledged my pain, but by focusing on every movement, every massage, and trying to determine if it was causing more or less pain, I was too focused. It gave the impression that everything hurt. But there were different kinds of pain, and some were more “real” than others.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. But since I was lying on the massage table for a while, I had plenty of time to think about while I tried to figure out if that pain in my back was real pain or this ghost pain. And did my ankle really hurt, or was that more ghost pain?

I wonder if I’ll ever find a way to explain this to someone who hasn’t experienced it? “You see, there’s real pain, then there’s this shadow of pain that can pop up anywhere….”

Have you experienced what I’m talking about? If so, do you have any idea what it is???

3 Comments | Frustration, Healthcare, Rants, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The magic healing power of the pooch

October 8, 2016

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I saw my naturopath the other day and she asked about my recent health. I had two answers: one set for before the pup’s visit and the other set for during.

But now he’s been gone for a week and I miss him horribly. And I’m not feeling as great, either.

It was a nice coincidence that he arrived the same day the weather changed. Summer sucks for me, and my symptoms ease when the temperature and humidity drop. I was simply lucky that those changes started the day my mom dropped him off at my place.

Then for 8 days we cuddled, we walked, and he kept me on a schedule. Like it or not, I had to take him out 3-4 times per day. I usually didn’t want to, but once we were outside, I figured we might as well walk a bit. After all, it made him so happy.

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Every time I took him for a walk, I went much farther than usual. Then on the way home, I’d take a longer route so he could walk more. Or I’d get home, then walk a few more blocks and then back. Because he loved it.

I should have been fatigued, but I wasn’t. The change in weather helped, but not that much. I was tired each evening, but not fatigued, and that makes a huge difference.

Then we would cuddle. I learned when he was most likely to cuddle and I changed my schedule to get more cuddle time! He was cuddly in the morning after his breakfast, so I set my alarm earlier so we’d have more cuddle time between his breakfast and mine. Seriously. (This photo was taken in the evening. I tried to balance the laptop on one leg while he slept against me. Heaven!)

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I had less pain, too. Even with all of that walking, my toes hurt less. And the rest of me hurt less. Or maybe I just noticed it less. Either way, I loved it.

Plus I saw more people. Even though I didn’t see many friends while I had him (not his fault – some of my plans fell through when someone got sick) I talked to a lot more neighbors. Everyone wanted to pet him. We were stopped constantly when we walked down the street. I was amazed at what a difference it made in my mood to be able to talk to so many people.

In general, I was happier. Just happier. Every single thing I did was better with him around.

When I had to give him back to my parents I almost cried. When they got him, though, my mom kept saying that I looked happier than she’d seen me in a long time. And I was.

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One day I’ll have a dog of my own. In the meantime, I’ve asked my parents if I can borrow this special guy for a few days next month. Because he truly is the best medicine I could ask for.

3 Comments | Fatigue, Healthcare, Isolation, Medication, Pain, Raves, Symptoms | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Why I prefer the virus

August 25, 2016

A few days ago I wrote about some symptoms I was having, but I didn’t know why. Now I know.

When I felt fatigued, brain fogged, and just “off” for the first couple days, I assumed I was just having “bad” days. After 4 days I was concerned. What if this wasn’t just my typical “bad” days? I wasn’t getting better. What if this was a long-term issue? That happens all the time, after all. I get a new symptom, or an old symptom becomes worse, and it stays that way for months or even years. Crap crap crap!

On day 5 I was fed up and I emailed my Naturopath. It was a Sunday, but I felt better having reached out anyway.

The next morning she wrote back: there’s a virus going around with my exact symptoms. I wrote back that I don’t have any other virus-like symptoms. No runny nose, sore throat, or upset stomach. She assured me this is what the virus is. Extreme fatigue. I decided to accept that. And then something interesting happened.

I rested.

For the first few days I had tried to continue my normal life. That means trying to “be productive” and “get stuff done.” Sure, I might be doing a lot less in a day than a healthy person, but I was doing it nonetheless. I was working on blog posts for this and another site, I was thinking about doing my laundry (though no actually doing it,) I was trying to clean up around the apartment. But I was failing at all of it. I just couldn’t manage.

Then I spent a couple days not doing anything and feeling guilty about it. I’d accepted that I needed to rest for a few days, but there were so many things I should be doing. I even went out briefly one day to get a prescription and some groceries. I felt bad about canceling plans with friends. It sucked.

Once I was told I had a virus, though, I rested without guilt! It was lovely! I watched tv, crocheted, listened to audio books, and read. My only responsibility was to keep myself fed, and I did that with simple meals: eggs, leftovers from the freezer, sandwiches. I washed dishes only as needed.

If I’d rested from the start, the virus probably wouldn’t have lasted so long. It was 8 days. Today is the first day I feel 100% over it. But I probably would have felt better days ago if I’d only rested from the start.

The thing is, when you have chronic illness you can’t rest every time you feel bad, because you’d never do anything. Even when my fatigue was at its absolute worst, I did stuff. Or I tried to do stuff. Or I felt guilty about not doing stuff. Because I felt that way every day, so pushing through was the only way to get shit done.

But a virus is different. It’s temporary, and we know it’s temporary. Resting with a chronic illness, only feels good in the moment, but resting with a virus means overall improvements in health. It’s worth resting if it means I’ll get better, right? So I rested.

And on top of that, there’s the sympathy! Family and friends were checking on me every day. That doesn’t happen with chronic illness. And I get it. Checking on someone every day for a week is one thing, but you can’t check on someone every day for the rest of their life. Still, it felt good to know people were thinking about me and wishing me well in the moment.

So given the choice, sure, I’ll take the virus every time! I felt only slightly worse that usual, and in exchange….

I got to rest without guilt!

What about you? Do you feel guilty when you rest? Do you find it easier to have a virus that you know will go away? Or are you the opposite? Please comment and let me know how you feel about it!

4 Comments | Expectations, Fatigue, Healthcare, Isolation, Limitations, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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