Recoloring the winter blues

January 20, 2012

This weeks’ ChronicBabe blog carnival is all about winter wellness and fitness and surviving the winter blues.  It’s a fantastic idea, since so many of us struggle at this time of year, and even those who don’t could probably use some encouragement and ideas.  Here are a few of my own experiences….

Winter is my best season and my worst season.  It’s the easiest and it’s the hardest.  Health-wise, it’s all sorts of contradictory.

On the one hand, a lot of my symptoms are triggered by hot and humid weather, so the cold winter is a welcome relief.  Others cringe at 30 degree weather, but I actually don’t mind it (but I can do without the 5 degree weather, thanks anyway.)  On the other hand, it’s dark, and even when it’s light out the sun is lower (less direct sunlight) and my skin isn’t getting much exposure since it’s all covered up in layers of warm clothing.  So I have fewer autoimmune symptoms, but then seasonal affective disorder (SAD) comes and rears it’s ugly head.  Plus, with snow and ice, I worry a lot about falling.

This has been an unusually easy winter in Boston.  Until last week, we had almost no snow.  This has to be some kind of record.  We’ve all been walking around confused, wondering where our winter went.  In fact, until a few weeks ago, it was unseasonably warm.  We’ve had 50 degree days.  We’ve had rain.  Best of all, we’ve had clear sidewalks!  I didn’t have to worry about slipping at all, so I was able to take a bunch of long walks, which is my best and safest form of exercise these days.  The key is dressing right: warm sweater, warm pants, super warm coat, and of course hat, gloves, and scarf.  And don’t be afraid to wear long underwear if you need it.

My motto is, it doesn’t matter how I look as long as I’m warm.  I have to say that in order to be able to wear the big pink coat in public.  I have Raynaud’s, so I’m careful to keep my core warm so that my hands and feet don’t get too cold (but honestly, they do anyway unless I wear the right boots and gloves.)  If I’m dressed well like this, I can take a half hour walk, and my big problem is that partway through I’ll be sweating.  It’s all about dressing right, and staying indoors when it’s dangerously cold.

Until the sidewalks are clear I won’t be taking long walks on them if I can help it.  I’ll wear my amazing boots with the fantastic treads, which are also super warm (even my toes stay warm in the coldest weather!) and I highly recommend them, but I’m still too nervous about slipping.  If I can hit my head in my own living room, (and I’m still hurting from that one) I better be extra careful on the ice.  There are alternatives, though.  There’s walking in a mall, walking through a museum, walking on a treadmill (boring, but it gets the job done) and plenty of other indoor walking possibilities.  One winter I did exercise videos in my living room.  They’re walking programs that involve additional movements (kicks, arm swings, etc.)  But when there’s no other choice, I’ll walk outdoors in my good boots and with a lot of care.

The thing is, I’m not big on exercise.  I’m really a couch potato by nature, but I know it’s good for me.  I feel better physically.  And it helps the SAD.  Being outside during the day is huge, even on cloudy days.  Fresh air and a little sunshine go a long way.  I won’t pretend it fixes everything, but I have noticed that I’m happier and more energized on the days that I take a walk outside.  The only other things I’ve found for the SAD are a light box and reminding myself that it’s temporary.  Already the days are getting longer, and I look outside most evenings and celebrate that it’s still light out at 4:45.  Those bits of appreciation really do help.

Each season can come with it’s own problems, but there are often workarounds.  The trick is to find them.  I wish well finding yours.

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2 Comments | Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The fog of too many possible causes

January 18, 2012

Some possible sources of my fatigue: PCOS, side effect from meds, hypothyroid, low iron, chronic pain, connective tissue disease, some unknown cause.  Gee, that really clears it up, doesn’t it? [insert needed sarcasm emoticon here]

I’ve been depressed lately.  It’s frustrating.  I’ve been depressed before, so I know what to watch for, and it’s not extreme right now – I’m not suicidal or anything.  I’m just in a long-lasting funk.  It’s come and gone recently, especially over the last few weeks.

I’ve been worrying about my future.  What if I can’t go back to work?  How will I make ends meet?  I’ve looked at apartment listings online. I could save money by moving to the suburbs.  I could save more by moving out of state.  A 3-bedroom house in Boulder rents for less than my not-at-all-fancy 1 bedroom apartment near Boston.  But moving away from my support system, my family, my friends, my doctors, my home?  I’m just not ready for that, even though the climate here is lousy for me.

These are very legitimate concerns, especially as my back-to-work followup with my rheumatologist is approaching, even though I’m obviously not back to work yet.  I know that I’m thinking things through rationally.  I’m worried, but not over-worried.  I’m bored, but managing to mostly stay busy.  I’m frustrated, but that’s nothing new.  So why am I feeling this way?  It doesn’t make sense!

Today I felt great.  I felt uplifted as soon as I got out of bed, which was odd, since I’d woken up early from odd and scary dreams.  Still, once I got up I felt really good.  Why was today different?  I thought that if I could figure out why I felt so good today, I could replicate it.  Sounds reasonable, right?

As I thought about it while walking outside, feeling especially good, it hit me all at once, really hard.  DUH!!!  It’s sunny out today!  We’ve had a lot of gray weather, and today is sunny!  I feel like such a moron.  Ironically, because I was depressed and focused so much on a few specific areas of my life, I completely forgot to watch for my seasonal affective disorder, which seems to have been the cause of the depression.  Now let’s be honest, I’m probably experiencing some depression from everything I’ve been going through lately, but I think that is at a level that I’m comfortable with.  It’s when it started getting worse (as the days got more overcast) that I got worried.  And now I’ve finally figured out what was going on.

One of the difficult things about these illnesses is that any given symptom can have many possible causes.  It’s so hard to keep track of the possibilities, and when we lose track, it can be disorienting.  I’m grateful to have figured out where this one symptom seems to be coming from, but what about the other symptoms?  What about the other people who can’t trace theirs?  There’s so much work to be done.  I hope it happens sooner rather than later.  In the meantime, I’ll be watching the weather forecast and hoping for more sunny days soon.

Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Job, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Why snow is scary sh*t

January 16, 2012

…I interrupt the regularly (in theory) scheduled blog post to bring this update: it’s snowed!  Crap!

The thing with winter in Boston is, it’s predictably unpredictable.  We don’t know how much snow we’ll get or when, we don’t know how cold it will be or when, but we know that the majority of winter will involve cold and snow and ice.  That’s just how it works.  Which is why it’s been so odd this year to not get any snow, and to have little cold until this month.

Actually, there was a big storm in October that had everyone thinking it would be a tough winter, and some areas got hit hard, but others got almost nothing, and then it melted within hours.  My area was the latter.  Once I woke up to find a light dusting on parts of the sidewalk.  When I looked out the window an hour later, it was gone.  For me this has been fantastic!  Yes, we’ve had some cold days, but I just bundle up in my kick-ass coat, and all is fine.  Well, I admit to being a bit cold last night in 10 degree weather, but usually the coat is enough.

As for the snow, to be honest, if my body worked the way I’d like it to, I’d probably go skiing occasionally.  I can understand why the skiers are excited for snow.  And I do understand why snow doesn’t bother a lot of people.  Really, I only have two concerns with it.  The smaller one (since I’m not working) is that when it snows a lot (not today, thankfully) I have to find a way to dig out my car.  I can’t manage it myself, and it’s tough to find help some winters.

The bigger issue is walking.  My footing isn’t as steady as I’d like it to be, and a fall could be disastrous.  Simply spraining an ankle would be horrible – because of wrist pain, I can’t use any sort of cane or crutches; I can’t lean on anything.  And my apartment building is not wheelchair accessible.  Neither is my parents’ house.  Or most of my friends’ homes.  I love the old buildings in this area, but it means that most places aren’t accessible.  Ice is bad, but a light covering of snow, which we have now, is worse.  It can be treacherous.  For the first time this season, I’ll be pulling out the super awesome boots tomorrow.  Those things are warm and have great treads.  But I’ll still be a nervous wreck.

So the best part of this winter so far?  Being to walk without the extra fear.  I’ll miss that.  I just hope we don’t get too much more snow this winter.

[Note: This picture is from a storm in January 2005.  I’m short, but it’s still never a good sign when the snow drifts are taller than I am.]

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Facing the “real world”

January 12, 2012

2 +2 =4.  Every time.  It’s the most beautiful thing.  This is why I always liked math; it just makes sense!  Sure, there are negative numbers and irrational numbers and other weird shit, but when we’re just looking at straight-forward arithmetic, it’s the same every time.

I fell into accounting at a previous job.  I was just doing some basics, but I liked the basics so I learned more, and the more I learned, the more I wanted to do.  Before I knew it, I was doing it all and really enjoying it.

Last summer I started reading about personal finance.  I followed a link about something else entirely and ended up on a personal finance web site, where I got hooked for hours.  I read other web sites and a few books.  I’m really into it now.  And of course, saving is more important than ever, since I may not be working full time for much longer.

So if you throw together my love of math, my accounting experience, and my new interest in personal finance, it makes perfect sense that I was helping my cousin plan his first post-college budget this week.  I laid it all out very carefully.  I explained taxes, investing, compound interest.  I went over why planning is so important and what it’ll allow him to accomplish.

The most interesting part of all of this (and the point… yes, I am getting to a point) is that for the first time, he saw a glimpse of what the “real world” will entail.  He’s had some vague notions for a while, and I’ve tried to give him tips before, but this time he really got it.  He saw just how much it will cost to live a basic lifestyle.  He saw how much it costs to have a car – not just the car itself, but for car insurance, gas, servicing, etc.  He saw what health insurance costs, even before copayments and deductibles.  He saw that all those dinners with friends and quick coffees on the go really add up.  And it hit him hard.

I’m glad he’s seeing what’s involved in the “real world.”  Some of it sucks and some of it rocks, and it’s easy to leave college expecting all of one and none of the other.  I’m trying to show him some balance.  In some small ways I miss the carefreeness of those high school and college years, when someone else was ultimately responsible.  It’s scary as hell right now to face such an uncertain future, where I’m not sure how I’ll earn a living when I don’t feel well enough to work.  But there’s something great about it, too.  There’s the independence.  There’s the self reliance and self control.  There’s eating ice cream before dinner.  (Not that I do that, of course.  Nope.  Not me.  Uh uh.)  There’s living life how I choose to live it.

Life can be difficult and scary, and unfortunately I’m in one of those stages right now, but there’s some pretty incredible parts to it too.  Those are the parts to try and focus on.  And when they’re going well, they really do make up for all the rest.

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