Dear doctor: Those symptoms you ignored were signs of a real problem

January 7, 2015

I don’t expect every doctor to know everything there is to know about medicine and health. I don’t even expect them to know everything there is to know in their own specialty. But when I present the same symptom to many doctors, and it’s common enough to be written on one of those silly internet lists, shouldn’t at least ONE DOCTOR have known what was going on??? Or at the very least, they shouldn’t have brushed it off!

Back in my mid-20s my fingernails began to curve. Before that they were pretty typical nails, I think. Then suddenly, they curved downwards as they got longer. The first and middle fingers were the worst on each hand. I just cut them recently so I can’t take a photo today, but trust me on this; it was really noticeable.

I didn’t assume there was a major, life altering problem, but it definitely wasn’t normal, so I showed my doctor. He brushed it off, saying it was nothing. I showed my next doctor after him. Same response. I showed many doctors, both internists and specialists. Some said it was nothing. Others weren’t sure, but said I shouldn’t worry. Not a single one suggested that maybe it should be investigated. A friend said it could be a vitamin deficiency of some sort. My doctor didn’t agree. So what could I do about it? Looking things up online wasn’t so easy just a few short years ago, and I had bigger health problems to worry about.

I came across this short list, What Your Hands Can Reveal About Your Health, a few months ago, and I haven’t been able to forget about it. That’s because it was so clear about this problem that none of my doctors addressed:

Curved nails

Soft nails that curve likes spoons can be a sign of iron-deficiency anemia, says Dr.Leffell. The condition, called koilonychias, can be due to such malnutrition, gastrointestinal blood loss, worms, gastrointestinal malignancy, or celiac disease. See your internist who can check your iron levels.

Now, obviously my doctors screwed up in other ways. I had low ferritin levels for many years, but none of my doctors addressed it. It wasn’t until I sent myself to a hematologist that I finally received the iron infusions that got my levels up to where they should be. And I had symptoms of Celiac Disease for many years, but doctors kept telling me it was IBS, or IBS and reflux, or IBS and stress. Nothing improved until I put myself on a gluten-free diet. So really, the finger nails were just one more symptom that was ignored.

But why were they ignored?

I will never know why multiple doctors chose to brush off my concerns about very real symptoms of very real illnesses. I’ll never know if other patients were similarly dismissed. But I do know that an injustice was done.

I am so grateful that I took my health into my own hands. It’s not easy, and sometimes I forget to fight back, but I’m trying. And every time I come across another symptom that my doctors overlooked or brushed off, it’s a reminder that it is worth every bit of effort I expend to continue pursuing the treatments that I believe are best. From now on, I choose to see my curved fingernails as a reminder that I need to make my own decisions about what is relevant to my health. I won’t be brushed off again.

6 Comments | Decisions, Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Healthcare, Insensitive, Isolation, Medication, Rants, Symptoms | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

How does blocking a handicapped parking space help those selfish people?

December 22, 2014

I’ve written several times about how annoyed I get when someone illegally parks in a handicapped parking space. It’s rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and inexcusable.

So you can imagine how I feel when I try to park in a handicapped space, only to be blocked not by a car, but by a Handicapped Parkingshopping cart. Yeah, I get pretty pissed.

Yesterday I went to a new grocery store. There were two carts in the handicapped space! Luckily they were to the side and I drive a small car, so I was able to fit into the extra-wide space. Still, it was so wrong! And yes, there have been times when I have had to drive past the space, because I don’t have the energy or I am in too much pain to get out of my car, walk over, move the cart, get back in my car, park, then continue with my errands. This time, I was with someone, and we each took one cart on our way into the store.

Then I came back to my car, only to find a new cart that someone had left between my car and the small island of dirt and grass! What the fuck?!?

There is absolutely no excuse for this! If you are able to walk as far as that space and put the cart between my car and the grass, then you could walk a few more feet to the cart return. Yes, there was a cart return, and it was just across from my car. And if there was no return, there would still be no excuse for leaving a shopping cart there. Leave it in a non-handicapped space. Or, you know, do the decent thing and bring it back to the store!

I try to the assume the best in people. I really do. But these are the things that make me cynical. These are the things that make me wonder how someone can be so unbelievably self-centered that they either don’t realize or don’t care that they are making things so much harder for someone who probably already has to exert a whole lot more effort to go to the grocery store.

I complained to a worker and asked him to tell the store manager. He said they were aware of the problem. Obviously, there’s nothing they can do. So I say we do something! When you see someone doing this, let them know how despicable they are being. Let’s shame them mercilessly. And maybe, if they are embarrassed enough, it might occur to them that the best way to avoid being shamed and embarrassed is to, you know, be a decent human being.

4 Comments | Educating, Frustration, Insensitive, Parking, Rants | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Am I Ms. Rants? Is she me?

December 17, 2014

Who would you be if no one knew who you were?

There was never a question what I would name this blog. I knew I wanted a place where I and others could rant about the frustrations we deal with around our chronic health problems. And since I wanted to be anonymous, Ms. Rants seemed like an appropriate name to give myself. I have written almost 500 posts now (incredible!) and today I was thinking about the persona I project via “Ms. Rants” versus who I am in real life. And they’re actually not that different.

I follow a few blogs. In many spheres, bloggers take on larger-than-life personas. Sometimes it’s to get a bigger crowd. Sometimes it’s so they can experiment with being someone else. It’s sort of like putting on a superhero cape just to see what will happen.

For me, this blog was always about discussing the reality of my health situation, so there never seemed to be any point in being anything other than honest and straight-forward. Still, that’s easier said than done. I’ve noticed that hiding behind a fake name has allowed me the comfort of saying things I wouldn’t normally say. The funny thing is, after saying those things here, I’ve begun to say them in real life! I still usually limit discussion of bowel movements, pain that makes me scream, and insurance woes to chats with other friends who have chronic illnesses. Still, in that way, I’m becoming more like Ms. Rants, instead of the other way around.

Of course, readers also only see certain parts of my life through this blog. I’m not intentionally lying about who I am, I’m just trying to keep the topics relevant. I don’t talk too much about my other hobbies, how I spend every minute of the day, what books I read, or what music I listen to (currently this, but I listen to most genres.)

The funny thing is, you would think that I exaggerate a lot of my attitude on this blog, but you’d be wrong. After all, here I can hide behind a fake name, but in real life I wouldn’t really criticize doctors, post public requests for help on Facebook, tell off people who park illegally in handicapped parking spaces, tell strangers they’re asking things that are none of their business, tell friends the details of my problems, or generally say half the things I purport to say. But I do. I don’t do those things every time. It depends on my mood and on my energy levels. Sometimes I keep my mouth shut. But most of the time I speak up. That’s just who I am. It’s who I’ve become over the years. And I’m happy with that part of myself. It surprises a lot of acquaintances and new friends, but so far, they seem to appreciate my straight forward approach.

In the blogging world, though, you never know if that kind of attitude is real or not. In my case, it is.

So I’m not entirely Ms. Rants, and she’s not entirely me, but we’re pretty damn close to one another. I type exactly the way I speak. I usually don’t edit my posts, and when I do, it’s usually just to fix typos. No, the truth is, I write what comes to mind. Sometimes that’s good, sometimes it’s not. Just like sometimes the things I say are good, and sometimes I put my foot right into my big fat mouth. But I’m willing to take that chance, because I like who I am and believe in what I say.

So to you other bloggers out there, do you put on an act in your blog, or do you write as yourself? And if you’re not a blogger, how do you think you’d write if you were?

I am so grateful for all of you who read these posts and to those who comment, so I wanted to just take a moment to be honest about all of this.

Next time I’ll go back to my regular, health-focused posts. I’ve got a long list of topics I want to write about, so maybe inspiration will strike and I’ll pick up one of those. Or maybe I’ll come up with something random, like today (this topic came to mind less than an hour ago.) You just never know.

3 Comments | Educating, Raves | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

I’m done being the go-to sick expert at parties

December 15, 2014

It’s my fault, really. Someone asks me a question and what do I do? I answer it! What am I thinking?

The thing is, I’m happy to answer that one question. The problem is that it’s never just one question. One question leads to another and before you know it I’m talking about health issues for half an hour at a party where I was excited to get out of the house and be around other people so that I could forget about my health issues.

It doesn’t happen every time, but it happens too often. It happened last night. And I’m done.

Last night started simply, with one person asking a group of us if anyone had experience with CPAP machines, because he was having trouble with his. So of course I talked to him about my experience and tried to help him troubleshoot his issues. But as usual, two things happened that I hate.

First, this guy was all excited to have someone to talk to about this stuff, and wanted to delve into details. I saw him get that way people get when the suddenly see me as a potential mentor, teacher, or whatever. He even friended me on Facebook later, even though we’d only had that one conversation about health stuff. We know nothing else about each other. But based on that conversation, he wants to talk to me more.

Second, two more people joined in, even though they couldn’t really help. One knew nothing about sleep apnea but wanted to suggest we both try herbal medicine. The other knew a bit about sleep apnea and treatments because a friend of hers has it, so she told us what she’d heard from her friend. It’s nice they wanted to help, but they kept interrupting a conversation between two people who actually have the medical condition to offer their unfounded opinions. That prolonged my conversation with this guy, and it also made it harder to break away. Suddenly, it was a group conversation that was taking on a life of its own, so it was harder to end.

Thankfully, a friend came by, and I did something I don’t usually do. I ignored everyone else and started talking to my friend about something completely off topic. I think I asked him about his work or his holiday plans…. I honestly don’t remember. What I do remember is that the guy with the CPAP questions tried to talk to me again, and I ignored him. It was rude, but I considered it self preservation. In the past I would have answered him, and then I’d have gotten sucked right back into that health-related conversation and it would have ruined the rest of my night. I didn’t have any more suggestions for that guy, so we would have just been discussing what we’d already covered, but in more detail. This way, we all ended up talking about something else. I don’t know how anyone else felt about it, but I was much happier!

Last night was a big success, so going forward I’m going to keep doing that. I’ll still answer a question here or there, but when someone asks about my inability to eat gluten at a party, I won’t end up in a half hour conversation about Celiac Disease, how I figured out I had it, where gluten hides, blah blah blah. Nope, I’ll just promise to send them some useful links so they can read about it themselves and I’ll move on.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still all about education. If someone thinks they might have Celiac, for example, I’ll gladly try to help them. But maybe not at a party. Maybe not when I’d rather be thinking about another other than my health. There’s a time and a place, and I think it’s about time I choose both.

Do you have this problem? Do you get sucked into health-related conversations at gatherings? How do you feel about it? How do you handle it?

9 Comments | Decisions, Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Insensitive, Intrusions, Rants, Symptoms | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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