Some days are obviously really good and some are obviously really bad. Some are in the middle. I generally feel happy as long as I don’t feel really awful physically. But there are exceptions to every rule.
Today I feel off. My pain isn’t too bad, maybe a 4 on my pain scale, so I’m ignoring it. I’m not particularly fatigued. I have a long list of things to do, and I’ve been doing them, bit by bit. So really, it’s a fine day. But I feel…. off.
It’s been dark and overcast. For someone with Seasonal Affective Disorder, that’s a recipe for trouble. I also went back on a med this week, so that could be contributing. But of course, there’s no way to be sure. I’m not sad, exactly, just a bit down. Nothing is wrong. My family is great, my friends are awesome, my health is relatively stable. I didn’t have anywhere to go today but I didn’t feel stuck inside, I just thought of it as an opportunity to get more things done around the apartment. Then again, normally I would push myself to get out and take a walk, but today I didn’t. I knew I needed to; the more I sat, the more I felt my joints stiffen up and become more painful. But then I’d look at that dark sky and I had no desire to go anywhere.
I’m not fighting it. If I felt this way every day, there would be a problem and it would need addressing. But one day? I’m giving myself a pass for one day of feeling this way. I will let myself feel a bit down. I will spend more time than I otherwise would on the computer. I will watch silly tv. And I won’t stress out about it or feel guilty about it, because what’s the point?
I just hope tomorrow is a better day.
Chronic Rants 