Dreading the worst-timing-possible interview

December 26, 2011

I am dreading tomorrow’s job interview.

It’s not the interview itself that’s the problem.  I love the organization and I’ve wanted to work there for years.  The thing is, it’s probably going to force me to make some guesses that I don’t want to make.  At the very least, it will force me to lie.

I’ve been on a medical leave of absence from my current job for almost three months now.  When I left, I told them I would be gone three months.  I really believed I wouldn’t need longer, but I was clearly wrong.  I figure I need another month or two at least.  Scarily, it may be more.

I didn’t actively look for jobs while I was on leave.  To be honest, I don’t like my job, but I just didn’t have the energy to look for something else.  Then a friend emailed me that his company was looking to hire, and it’s a position that I’m qualified for.  I had told him many times to let me know if anything ever came up because I would love to work there, so I couldn’t pass this up.  It’s a part-time job, which on the downside means less money, but then again, it would be better for my health.

So what’s the problem?  If they want someone to start right away, I can’t.  Even for part-time work, I’m just not ready for it.  Too many days I feel lousy.  Just going to the job interview will be all the activity I can handle tomorrow.  And when they ask about my current job, which they will, I’ll have to talk in the present tense, as if I’ve actually been doing the work recently.  I will have to lie by omission and not tell them I’m on leave.  When they ask why I want part-time work, I will have to say that I’ve been wanting a better work-life balance.  This is true, but it sure does avoid the most obvious reason.  And if they actually do offer me the job at some point, which is possible, what would I say?  Would I be ready to work?  I just can’t imagine.

The timing of this is lousy.  Up until 6 months ago, it would have been so easy to just go 110% for this job.  Now, I’m not sure if it’s even worth going to the interview.  Someplace in the back of my brain I know that it’s good to keep my options open, but really, I’d rather just hide under the bed for a while.  I know there’s some positivity somewhere in me.  I sure hope I can get it out in time for the interview.

 

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2 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Job, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Are there enough doctors?

December 21, 2011

According to this article, the largest concentration of doctors in the United States is right here in Massachusetts.  So then why am I having so much trouble finding one I like?

Keep in mind, this is based on a per capita count, so it’s about how many doctors there are for every 100,000 residents and not on how many there are total.  Compared to the national average, good old Mass. is going great.  Of course, this doesn’t tell us how many of these doctors are specialists and how many are internists or family practitioners.  It also doesn’t tell us how many of them treat patients full time versus focusing on research.  For example, I have one doctor, a specialist, who does research most days and only sees patients two days a week.  How would he be counted?

But more than any of that, my big concern is that this article speaks about the distribution of doctors as if that were the biggest problem with getting a doctor.  Let’s forget about money, because that’s a different problem altogether.  What bothers me is the idea that if doctors were distributed more evenly, everything would automatically work out better.  But has anyone checked to see if there are enough doctors in this country?  Sure, Massachusetts has more doctors per capita than any other state, but does it have enough doctors?  Does it have the right type of doctors?  I called many potential PCPs this year and was told by each that they weren’t taking on new patients.  That’s in line with what I have been reading about PCP shortages.

Now, maybe I just called the wrong ones.  Maybe there’s a shortage.  Maybe that was a temporary problem that was magically fixed the next week.  Regardless, we need to figure out how many doctors, and what specialties, are needed in order to properly care for our population.  I agree that we need to have an even distribution of doctors, but that only works if there are enough.

 

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Leave a Comment » | Educating, Frustration, Healthcare, Politics, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Scary changes in healthcare

December 20, 2011

How much control do you have over your healthcare?

Now, many of us have limited control over our health, but we should at least have control over our healthcare, right?  I don’t know what the answer is, but it can’t be this.

I read this morning about a plan by a local health insurer to reimburse patients for choosing cheaper care.  Well, that’s the basic idea, anyway.  If my doctor sends me for an MRI at site X and instead I go to the cheaper site Y, then I’ll get $10-75 from my health insurer.

This troubles me in many ways.  To keep myself from rambling, here’s a quick bullet list:

  • Will the care be comparable?  Or will patients lose out?
  • People suffering financially may put their money ahead of their health.  I admit that this is their choice, but is it really a choice?  After all, premiums won’t be cut, so this is their only chance for relief.
  • This may make it harder for doctors to coordinate care.  When I get a test done now, all doctors in that hospital system see the results.  If I get a test done elsewhere, I’d have to get the results sent to all of my doctors, which is unlikely to happen, so the burden would be on me to bring the results of all tests with me to all appointments.
  • There are already health plans that only allow patients to be seen by cheaper doctors at cheaper facilities.  How much farther will this cost-cutting expand?  I don’t get to choose my health plan – my employer does.  If they choose one of these, I might have to change all of my doctors, and it has taken me years to build up a medical team I trust.
  • If cutting costs is so important, why doesn’t the health insurer cap reimbursement payments?  Wouldn’t that make more sense?  Why reimburse one site more than another?

Really, what upsets me is the direction of healthcare changes.  Health insurers and politicians are floundering to find a way to save money and stop the skyrocketing costs to patients and employers.  There is talk of a single payer system in my state.  While I love the idea theoretically, I have seen the way it has been put into practice in other countries, and I don’t trust it.  Really, do I want anyone involved in my government to decide if it’s cost-effective for me to take a certain medication or have a certain test?  No!  I trust them even less than I trust health insurers – I guess I trust the devil I know more than the devil I suspect.  If my health insurer chooses not to cover the cost of something, I can appeal within the insurance company and also to a state board.  If the state were in charge, who would I be able to appeal to?  Costs are too high.  People can’t afford care.  Those of us that can afford it, often pay so much that we must cut back on other things (like ever being able to afford to retire.)  This just isn’t working.

We need a solution.  So many of us are desperate for a solution.  If only I had any idea whatsoever what it might be.

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Leave a Comment » | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Healthcare, Medication, Politics, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Prednisone boobs

December 12, 2011

They should add “boob growth” to the warning label on Prednisone.  It can’t just be me.

This is just plain wrong.  Our society seems to think that women should aspire to have the largest breasts possible, but that’s just absurd.  I will never understand why women get risky plastic surgery just to get bigger boobs.  And why is there so much pressure on a part of our body that we can’t control naturally?  It makes no sense at all.

When I was in high school, my bra size was a very natural 34B .  This worked for me.  I could go bra-less if I really wanted to, and I could easily wear a strapless.  This was good.  Near the end of high school, my period got so heavy that one day I passed out from the loss of blood.  The doctors put me on birth control pills to regulate it.  Of course, if they had tested me they would have discovered that I had PCOS, but I had a crappy 1990s HMO that didn’t bother with silly things like thoroughness.  But that’s a story for another day.

Suddenly, because of the Pill, my size went up to a 34C.  This was surprising, but not too bad.  I knew that I was too large for my petite frame, and I felt awkward about it, but what could it do?  Eventually I got used to it and I stayed a 34 C for many years.

Then several years ago I went on Prednisone.  I’d been on it before, but this time, for the first time, I gained weight.  I grew in my stomach, my ass, my thighs…. and my boobs.  I flew past 34D so fast that I almost missed it, then landed on 34DD.  Well, that was weird.  It was also uncomfortable.  I was annoyed, but glad that I hadn’t gotten any bigger.  I was shocked to find this size laid out on store racks when I was in London around that time; over here it’s much harder to find.  Still, there are some stores that sell it for prices that won’t break the bank, and occasionally I can even find one that isn’t black, white, or beige (though I still miss my collection of pretty colors, lace, and satin from back in the days of 34C.)

After a lot of hard work, I managed to lose most of the Prednisone weight, but my boobs didn’t shrink.  When I went on Prednisone again earlier this year, I gained back all of the weight and them some!  I’m too fatigued to exercise, so I’m not losing it at all now.  Still, I had accepted the temporary (I hope!) weight gain for what it was, and I was ok with it, until my bra size changed again.  I thought 34DD was difficult, but now I’m a 34F!  That is just wrong, so very very wrong.

They’re heavy, really heavy.  My bras are huge.  The straps pull on my shoulders.  Shirts are hard to fit (because of our society’s ideal of big boobs, shirts are designed to make small women look bigger, not to make big women look smaller.)  The bigger they are, the more they sag.  If you’re big, you know about boob sweat.  If you’re small, be glad you don’t know about it.  (A smaller friend of mine thought I was making it up, until she got pregnant.  She immediately told me she was grateful for the smaller boobs she’d always complained about, and was glad when they returned.)  And then there’s sleeping.  They really get in the way when I’m trying to sleep.  I wake up during the night sometimes, because I’ve rolled over and my boobs have gotten in the way.  It’s harder to breathe (though that could be the extra weight in other areas too.)  Men stare at them more, and those probably aren’t the men that I want attention from.  And then there’s sex.  With others or by myself, it is just wrong when a boob is too big to fit in a person’s hand.  Boobs are an important part of foreplay and sex (at least, they are for me) and it’s much harder to do what I want to be done when they’re so big that they can’t fit in a hand!

Now I’ll be honest, if I manage to lose the Prednisone weight, losing it in my boobs wouldn’t be my first choice.  I’d like to lose it in my stomach first.  But boobs come second, even before my ass and thighs.  Those may not look good now, but big boobs are just inconvenient and annoying!  Damn you Prednisone!

 

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46 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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